Time to Pack...

Here we are again after all these years heading back to Guatemala. It really hit me today that I am flying the airplane down to Guatemala in just under two weeks and the family moves down there one month from today. This time will be very different. The kids are nearing adulthood and we will be out in the rural area instead of the city. Relationships with Americans will be much fewer and the conveniences of madern living will be few as well. We are meeting very specific and vital needs for the ministry there (1. creation of a school tailored to the unique needs of the childrens home. 2. aviation support to provide access to multiple weekly city appointments in a 22 min flight instead of an 8 hour round trip drive 3x per week 3. Discipleship and mentoring needs...). We believe God is leading us there for specific purposes for each of us as well as for us as a family.

Everything is supernaturally falling into place very last minute as is God's typical MO with us. There are many more things that need to fall into place in the next month including, house repairs and finding a renter, storage or elimination of all our stuff, final required upgrades to the plane, forms and permits for international aviation, support to come in for the family, and many other things...

Following and trusting God is by very definition a sketchy path because it is a path beyond my control. It is a path that depends on God doing things I cannot do myself. It is also a path of discovery, learning things about God and myself that I can learn no other way. I am both nervous and excited to see what God has in store for us.

What is "Luxury"?

I knew I lived in luxury when I lived in the States because I own three cars and a trailer, I have more than one bathroom, and a gourmet kitchen with 7 bedrooms in my house.  In Nicaragua, luxury to me became a My own kitchen, fridge that worked without being shut with a chair, hot water, any car (all things I didn't have).  Here in Guatemala, luxury has become running water without turning on a light switch, a heater, a washer (or dryer) (All things we don’t have here).  To many locals living here and in Nicaragua luxury to them may be a cement floor, windows with glass and refrigeration (all things I still have, but what I’ve seen missing around me).  Luxury itself isn’t evil, but it is relative to what you have or don’t have.  What’s important is to remember whatever you have may be luxury to someone else.  We’re giving thanks for the luxuries in our life today! 

-Heather

God's way or my way in God's name...

Do we really want to do God's will or have we figured out the best way we want to serve God and are trying to make that happen? That question is at the heart of our trip here in Central America. God speaks to us through his scripture and our circumstances. Am I paying attention to what He is telling me? Like Samuel, in the midst of confusing circumstances am I saying, "Speak Lord, your servant is listening" or am I looking at my circumstances and planning my way to the destination of my choice based on weighing my talents, money, friends and family. Am I truly following in abandon for the sake of his purposes or am I guarding what I consider to be mine and seeking what I think would be best?

In the midst of my circumstances I will take the time to stop and say, "Speak Lord, Your servant is listening..."

Looking for God or comfort...

Central America is not short on inconveniences, discomfort and difficulties. How those affect my prayer life reveal my understanding of growth. The book of James teaches us to consider it pure joy when we face trials. From where I stand on my faith journey, trials are far from a joyful thing. I frequently find myself trying to mitigate them or plan them away. Some I pay extra money to remove and when all the above doesn't work I try to pray them away missing the gifts they bring with them.

I find myself praying for God's blessings when really I am praying for my comfort. These "blessings" are frequently the things that get me to NOT pay attention to God. When I am comfortable my dependence upon him is diminished. It is my need that draws me to him. It is the trials and the struggle that bring growth. Ps 13 teaches us to pray for God's empowering to grow through not the removal of difficulties.

Do I want a trouble free life or do I want to be like Christ...I cannot have it both ways.

When to end a pursuit...

2 years of desert have passed since I have considered this blog...
This year I found myself pursuing a dream that I have pursued for a long time, about 20 years. Though I feel I am close to realizing that dream, I fear I must let it go. Our culture tells us, "never give up on your dreams". The problem is that working on dreams takes time. For me, a lot of time. A focus on a minor dream can drain time away from more important things. Eli turned 12 2 months ago. I have found that my kids are getting older and my time with them is limited. I need to focus on making the rest of their childhood full of good memories, stability and love. There are always pros and cons but this I cannot deny. I cannot force God's hand into making things happen. They will, or they will not. I can focus on my family and, on the side, try to move us to a location/ circumstance that will foster those family values. Once they are grown, Heather and I can return to our crazy plans and dreams if they still hold interest. For now our interest should be, "What can we do to create a better family atmosphere?" Time is short and the clock is ticking.

My focus of efforts...

During this time of uncertainty in our quest for missions in Ethiopia I have been pondering a truth.

I may not be able to change the world or even the circumstances that directly surround me but I can devote myself to obeying God, allowing the spirit to change me. Then I can trust God to change the world as He sees fit.

I have to focus on the things that I am responsible/capable to change and trust God to deal with the things I cannot change. My aim must be to yield to the Spirit conforming me to the likeness of Christ rather than trying to conform the world and those in it to my understanding of righteousness.

When the journey is hard...

In 1 Kings 17 Elijah prays for God to stop the rain. With the hardship of no rain, God told Elijah to go to a secluded place and He brought provision through ravens and a brook but even that provision dried up because of Elijah's prayer. God then told him to go to yet another place where God would provide through a despairing widow. Hardship strikes yet again with the death of her son...

It has been a long time and I really don't feel like writing but sometimes you need to force yourself. The past 4 months have been some of the hardest of my life. I have found that hardship really wears on me when there is a cycle of trial, hope, disappointment, new trial added on top...

I lost my job 4 months ago with leads and hopes of finding another job quickly. There was even an apparent "provision" of a job in ministry which drug out for a couple months and then fizzled away. It is easy to see potential on the horizon and jump to conclusions as to how God can "move" or "provide". I can get so far ahead of God in his provision that I start planning on it and building on the assumption that God will do something particular. Even when something seems to be that "perfect" example or way that God could provide so others would be able to see his movement and provision, sometimes God has other plans. So it has been for me.

Many times I have doubted that God really does care about us personally. He is God. He is Good. He is Just. None of this requires that he know or care about me personally. Much like Job, I praised God for being God and accepted that he has no obligation or requirement to care for or provide for me. Not understanding his methods is easily confused with doubting his concern or provision. God has taken away much. Has he replaced it? No. Has he provided? not in the way I had hoped or expected but yes.

After loosing my job came the bulk of the expenses for the adoptions, a large investment failed, other investment opportunities for retirement vanished with my job. In the adoption there was the complications of tuberculosis, viruses, bronchitis, Hepatitis and other health issues, the expensive treatments and, without any returns on countless resumes, talk over the dinner table about bankruptcy options. What made it all the more difficult was how alone I felt through it all. I felt that people had their own problems and no one really was interested in our despair. Included in this list was my doubts of God's care.

God's provision had been there. It was always sufficient even if just sufficient enough to keep us from being crushed. He never relieved us from the trial, he just gave us a little more supply to endure a little longer. He provided to bring the children home, provided payment for most of the medical expenses, reduced our monthly expenses, and just when I could bear it no more, he brought along a few people to show me some of the greatest examples of friendship I have ever experienced. More and more people have been Ravens, Brooks, and widows of provision for us (literally bringing us food for the day). Just today I have reflected on the help we have received from others. I was just talking with a friend today about how humbling it is to receive help.

Things have gotten bad, and then worse. What is God's plan? I don't know. but I do know that showing care for those who are hurting, calling them out of the blue, babysitting, helping with bills or groceries, helping bear burdens reveals love, and love is the biggest provision of all.

This brings me back to 1 Kings 17 and Elijah's prayer. He prayed for God to stop the rain and that prayer became the source of his trials. Two weeks before I lost my job, I had posted a prayer request that I would not put my hope in my lucrative job but trust God for his provision. Even though his provision has not been enough to bring us out of trial, it has always been enough to sustain us. In many ways I prayed this on myself and am gaining a new view of provision. There is a difference between provision and prospering. Providing is remaining in trust where Prospering eliminates the need to trust. I have expected him to "prosper" where he has only promised to "provide".

Friends and Memories...

Has it really been 3 months!
I recently reconnected with a friend who was even more dear to my heart then I think they remember. They were a big part of my life during some of my more formative years. They have experienced some trying times and though many years have passed, I still want to be that friend I was years ago and walk down to their house and encourage them. It reminds me of how much we need each other and how powerful the bonds of the friendships of our youth can be. As a culture we so often are straining toward what is ahead and fearing living in the past that we neglect it altogether.

Remembering is one of the foundational teachings of Scripture. It reminds us of God's character, his faithfulness, our own journey and formation, lessons learned and experience gained. We can remember God's faithfulness to Israel in the crossing of the Red Sea and the fullness of Scripture but it is also remembering our own path. This is our garden of wisdom. God has given us our particular past to prepare us for his planned future.

It is a good thing to Reminisce...not just about the things that make you smile but the things that have guided your path, both the peaceful and the tradgic. I thank God for those memories. Mostly, I thank God for the people of my memories. I never have been good at maintaining relationships once I move away but I hope those who have shared my path with me can know that I appreciate their walk with me be it short or long. We all are in the image of God and tell a story of His character and grace and I treasure the glimpses I have gotten along the way. Each person has value, dignity and beauty. I don't so much distinguish between friends gone by and current friends, rather, those who have become my friend remain...unforgotten.

Thank you to all those who have taken part in my life. My love to you all.

(a special thanks to LM/L for this warming reminder. You still are my friend :)

Scatter among the poor...Psalm 112

I have been challenged lately by God's intentions of blessing, when he chose Israel. God was going to bless them so he could then bless the world through them.

During this season of difficulty for most, we now find ourselves with excess. My initial response was to stock it away like a squirrel storing for the winter but I believe God had blessed us to be a blessing to those in need around us. God brought up specific needs in proportion to the excess we came across.  In confirmation of this, Heather and I came across Psalm 112 which speaks of the righteous, God fearing man. Verse 9 describes how "[the righteous man] has scattered his gifts among the poor". 

I long to be righteous and I love to scatter. My hope is that we all hold on to Christ a little tighter and hold looser to the things he has blessed us with. That we find our hope and security in our peace with God rather than the things he has entrusted us with. 

We may be holding on to something as our own that God had intentioned as a blessing for those around us and entrusted us with the task of giving. May we always be eager to scatter gifts among the poor...

Peace on earth...

This past Sunday our family lit the church's advent candle of Peace.

Two things usually come to mind when I think of "peace" either the absence of war between two nations or people, or the idea of personal inner quietness. Many, Christian or not, repeat the angel's proclamation, "Peace on earth" but what was the intent of the herald angel? and why would they rejoice in it?

In Matthew ch10, Jesus says, "Don't suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth." Most people wish for "world peace" at Christmas time as the interpretation of a hopeful "peace on earth" but peace between men is not what God has in mind. It is not even inner peace in the individual. This is a proclamation of the offering of peace between men and God. 

It would be amazing to find peace between Israel and Palistine but how much more amazing to have peace between God and men? This is why the angel's reacted the way they did. It was the expression of God's grace, a revelation of who he is.

Paul calls us to have inner peace but we can only have that peace because it is based on the peace we have with God. The biblical concept of peace (eirene) is not just limited to absence of war but the root of the word comes from the verb to join (eiro).

This season we can celebrate because the Prince of Peace was given to Join us to our creator in the greatest act of grace and mercy ever displayed, giving us the undeserved gift of reconciliation and it is because of this that we can have inner peace as well.

"CHANGE" the buzz word of today....

Making a "difference", "changing lives" or "change" seems to be the mantra of today be it a presidential campaign or auto insurance. Most of the vision or purpose statements of today's trendiest churches include this cryptic statement of modern culture. I am puzzled how "different" equals better or if it is implied without sounding arrogant. It is the continuation of "the grass is always greener..." feeding on man's need for the new(his subconscious pursuit of God). I know the intentions are "changing" for the better, to try a different strategy on life but it begs the question "why?" Most people want a "better" life meaning comfort and ease rather than forgiveness. I fear that today's culture will not accept the evangelical church to continue to say that the only way to God is through Christ. This "elitist" attitude smells of arrogance to the public, so "change" is more palatable because it doesn't necessarily mean superior just different.

Theologically speaking "change" in and of itself is neutral. It can lead to both the bad and the good. I understand the intent is a change for the better but that brings up all kinds of baggage in the subjective term "better". Trusting Christ will not make life easier, happier or more fun; but rather the opposite.

I am not saying that "change" is bad, but a difference for the sake of difference or in the pursuit of comfort and self gratification is not beneficial. "Making a difference in the world" or "leaving my mark" seems to be more about me and less about God. Maybe I am making much of nothing, but I was just puzzled by our fascination with "change" these days rather than "hope, trust, faith, forgiveness and justification" Becoming a "new creation" is much more than just a "changed" life, it is a metamorphosis. Many things "change" people's lives each day be it blessing or tragedy, but it is only God who can make me a "new creation".

That brings up our incessant use of superlatives and overstatements (I love ice cream, Awesome, thank you SO much...) but that is another conversation on its own =D

Coliding worlds...

Year's end is typically busy and stressful for people but it seems to be gearing up to be a collossal converging for us. I am reminded of my earlier post of the converging of great need and great action when the Israelites were up against the red sea. This December finds me starting a new business, finishing an old contract by a Dec31 deadline, finally getting our package together for adoption and teaching a class at church while trying not to get laid off by my job.

This has the makings of being a huge milestone of God's provision for my family but it also has a possibility of becoming a huge disaster. I know the Lord is in control but my stress comes from not knowing if His direction for us lies in disaster, miraculous success or just a whole lot of nothing.

I must take even more time off work to finish the contract which will pull me out of critical, job keeping loops at work, which I may not need if the business flies after about a year of rampup. I only need to keep my job until after the homestudy for the adoption (they don't like to see the insecurity of "self-employed"). If everything continues in the direction it looks like it is going then no timing could be more perfect (a pattern we have seen over and over in our lives). Murphy reminds me though, that nothing continues as planned and the ramifications of failure or poor timing is a failed adoption, failed business, loss of life savings and loss of job all in a market that makes recovery near impossible. Much is at stake for us this season. 

There are times of greatness that you can see coming on the horizon, unsure times that may turn out to be great blessing or suffering but like an unstoppable tidal wave in the distance, it is coming nonetheless. This will be a great moment for us one way or the other. My responsibility is to make sure it is marked by and remembered as a time of great faith in God and his choices for our life instead of faith in self.

Lord give us the strength and foresight to keep knowledge of and intimacy with you as our goal and the end of our being...

Why I voted for Obama...

One of the great things about this country is the right of every citizen to vote for their personal choice of  elected officials without having to give a reason or defend their position. I am writing this because many have asked me how a Christian can vote for a democratic nominee and I wanted to give my personal reasons as a possible basis for how a Christian could vote this way because above all I identify myself as a Christian. Voting Democratic is a first for me, I must confess, so I understand the concerns of Republican Christians.

First of all we all must recognize that neither party is the “Christian” party. Neither party guides their platform by the Bible though I believe major constituents of both parties are influenced by the truths of the Bible. My desire here is not to discredit McCain. He is a hero of our nation and I believe him to be a good man. I may compare him now and again but my main point is to explain why I voted FOR Obama not AGAINST McCain, a distinction that I feel is important.

My decision was the compilation of many pros and cons. Below I have briefly discussed several of the “hot topics” of the election so people can read that I am not just “uniformed” or making an “emotional” decision without a reasonable basis.

Redistribution – I have heard many Christians tell me that “Christianity is not a means of government” when it comes to this topic but you then cannot say you voted for government to reflect biblical principles in other areas if you don’t think government should reflect this principle. I believe the Bible is clear about caring for the poor and even mandating on a governmental level for the rich to give to the poor, whether they want to or not, and they do not have a say in what programs are valuable to them or not. It is taking from the rich and giving to the poor a redistribution of wealth. They have no authority over how the money is spent. We can see this principle in the local church today. We must give to the local church but most of us have no direct say in how the money is spent.

I don’t think people refute the concept of individual giving it is the concept of corporate/governmentally mandated giving that causes problems. The scripture that tells us to give individually tells us something about the preferences of God. When we read 1Jn 3:16 we also have to remember that although he is not mandating particular actions he is mandating a giving heart of compassion. This is not a new concept. This has been throughout scripture and started in specific mandates. The reason 1Jn is written the way it was is because many, like the Pharisees, obeyed the specifics but not the heart.

Giving is governmentally mandated in Deut10:18 – Foreigner, widow, orphan; Isa 58 as true worship; Lk 3:11 (reiterating Isa58); Acts 2:43-47 (albeit voluntary); 1Jn 3:16 among others. The most significant “socialistic” scripture of them all is Lev 25 and the years of Jubilee. The list just doesn’t seem to end when it comes to generosity toward the oppressed, the widow, the fatherless and the alien.

I don’t believe these commands are strictly for Israel but even if I did, the overwhelming slant of scripture is toward redistribution instead of only giving to whom you want, when you feel like it. People in general are selfish and do not want to share which is why this was mandated to the Israelites.

On a more pragmatic level, “Trickle down economics” is not working. CEO salaries have gone through the roof while blue collar workers are falling behind.

In 1970, CEO salary and bonus packages were typically about $700,000 - 25 times the average production worker salary; by 2000, CEO salaries had jumped to almost $2.2 million on average, 90 times the average salary of a worker, according to a 2004 study on CEO pay by Kevin J. Murphy and Jan Zabojnik. Toss in stock options and other benefits, and the salary of a CEO is nearly 500 times the average worker salary, the study says.

CEO Pay and Appointments: A Market-Based Explanation for recent trends, IZA Discussion Papers 2408, Institute for the Study of Labor (IZA)

http://ideas.repec.org/a/aea/aecrev/v94y2004i2p192-196.html

 We are finding that wealth given at the top does not come down to the poor but rather stays at the top. I saw the end result of this kind of thinking first hand in Guatemala.

I believe that you should be compensated for what you do but even if you find a solution to all the world’s problems, no one needs billions of dollars a year. I am not trying to draw a line of what is “too wealthy” but only testing the principles of worth between employee and employer.

Abortion – I have heard all kinds of falsities about Obama’s stance here (He voted to kill babies after they were born, abortion should be used as population control…). Yes, he is very pro-choice, but when I actually checked out the stories I found that his aim is to lessen the number of abortions. Unfortunately, the day of outlawing abortion is gone. It was a hope of mine in my vote for Bush yet not achieved. I think this is because America has already decided. Colorado voted to consider life starting at conception (my personal view) which was defeated 73% to 27%.

I personally am very pro life but have a slightly different definition. I am pro ALL human life, if it is the unborn child, the elderly, the soldier over seas, the illegal immigrant, even the people of enemy states. Who can say that one life has more value than another? If I fight for the life of a helpless and innocent baby but neglect the life of other innocent and helpless people I would be a hypocrite against my own moral understanding of scripture. That makes the isolated issue of abortion fit into the picture of life as a whole and when seen in this light the decision is not black and white. In the end, I believe more innocent lives will be spared under the administration of Obama than McCain.

In our study of Joshua we found that God was very harsh with the leaders of Israel because they set the tone for the attitude of the nation. I believe this to be true today. The CNN exit polls showed that those whose primary concern was the war on terror or presidential experience, voted for McCain. Those whose primary concerns were the energy crisis or the ability to bring change, voted for Obama. The most telling one was in most every state the people overwhelmingly chose Obama as “cares for people”. It is this last one that catches my attention as the direction I want the attitude of the nation to move toward.  CARE for people so giving doesn’t need to be mandated by law.

The emphasis on war even war on terror focuses on adversarial relationships. I believe Obama will bring a national and international air of cooperation and peace. This may be naïve, I have been known to be so and hold it as one of my best qualities.

Gay rights – marriage, military – First, I don’t care if Gays are in the military. In other nations they have been known to be more dedicated warriors because of their attachments. My concern in this area is not to keep gays from being together in a “marital” relationship. I don’t see that as the goal of those who stand for gay marriage. I see it as a sly move to make it seen as normal. I do believe Obama will work toward an amendment allowing gay marriage which is a big negative for me. I don’t think McCain or Obama can either stop this or make it go on their own. This is a cultural issue that will find its way into mainstream culture. I could vote against it and stay it off for a short time but although it is a definite Biblical principle, it falls to the background.

Appointment of Judges – This was my primary CON against Obama. I feel his appointments to the Supreme Court may be even more lasting a decision than his presidency. The Supreme Court has had a nasty habit of making laws by decree instead of legislature which I hold to be a violation of the balance of power. I hope culture will correct this flaw in our government. I don’t have much to say here because I do not support Obama here. My hope is that he will be moderate in his appointments.

Energy crisis – The American public as a whole is changing its paradigm when it comes to oil and energy. The fact that a hybrid is much more of a status symbol than a muscle car. I think America came to this crossroad once before in 1973 with the oil crisis and culture was not “forced” to move away form oil so in the end, it didn’t. Obama’s path will be harder than McCain’s, but in the end I think it is more forward thinking especially when the political stakes are so high in supporting nations involved in terror (I do feel we need to address terror but in ways other than war, if possible).

Economy – I believe the economy will be hurt in the immediate future by Obama. This isn’t much of a negative for me. Correction usually hurts and this countries current definition of capitalism needs to be reworked in my opinion. I have already discussed much of my opinion above regarding this issue. I think that in the long run, the wealthy will be hurt but the middle class and poor will feel validated and become a much more active participant in the economy rather than being controlled by a few major players. People may think about their purchases more instead of being blind consumers. (Again, naivety creeps in)

Health Care – I am not sure Obama’s solutions will cure our problems with health care but the path we are taking is deteriorating quickly and I believe continuing to do the same thing will only take us further down the path we are on. I am ready for a change and try risky things if need be. My view is also more socialistic so universal health care is within my desires. I feel the primary problem with health care is litigation and the need for insurance. People will sue for anything and it has gotten unreasonable. Insurance is a death spiral. I feel robbed by how much I pay in insurance premiums so when I go to the doctor, I get whatever I can regardless of the cost because, “that’s why I have insurance” the problem with this line of thinking is, insurance companies WILL make a profit, they will just raise premiums in order to do that. Doctors raise prices because the consumer doesn’t mind. People sue thinking the medical community is just raking in the money. These things have fed each other and gotten out of control. I am ready for something new, I am ready to roll the dice. This may sound reckless but I see an eminent crash if we maintain our current course.

Democratic republic – I feel the governance of the two candidates can be placed into two general categories I believe Obama will lean to follow the will of people and McCain, Like president Bush will lean on his own moral compass. Both of these have advantages but I feel McCain will find more advisories than comrades and I see the definition of the republic falling more in line with the direction of Obama. Which leads into…

Concept of Unity – Those who have complained against Bush have no more basis for complaint. Those complaining about racial lines are quieted and satisfied. I see Obama having a better chance of uniting the country and healing world opinion. Built up cultural lines and adversaries now have to join a common pot again. The escalation is gone. The country needs to have unifying work or it will tear itself apart. Charisma does play a role. People are inspired by Obama and will be more apt to follow. A unified country is best for us all even if we don’t fully agree with the leadership. Being a minority also plays a role. The world has seen us as the oppressors, and in many ways we have been. I heard on NPR last week that a culture reveals its shift in paradigms when it shifts its metaphors. In the 60’s we changed the laws of this nation but the election of Obama was a change in metaphor which makes it so important. I heard the French saying “we wish we could be American so we can take even just a bite of this liberation”. I voted for Obama in part because I am tired of the racist baggage and am ready to move on. The world now sees us as a leader in human rights because we have elected a minority.

The summary of it all is that I felt that a vote for Obama was being able to tell the poor we care; tell the country, we need come together and change; tell the world, we are not the monsters you think we are. It is our opportunity to be better. All of which are integrated into my view of biblical principles. I don’t want to rule the world, I want to love the oppressed.

Even if you disagree, at least you can know I did not take this vote lightly and I gave it much thought. If you still need any clarifications, I always welcome interested dialogue. Remember this is just my personal view and interpretation of scripture, NOT the right view or the biblical view. These are all areas we must wrestle with and discuss together in LOVE.

In HIS Grip,

Eric Haddox

Mic 6:8

"Present" in "do", "Abscoditus" in "receive"...

A friend of mine listed his religious views as "Deus Absconditus"- the hidden or removed God. In what ways do my belief system reflect a similar skepticism?

I have been teaching on Joshua at church and looking at God's statements that he was with Joshua and backing that up with supernatural acts that would serve as reminders, milestones to remember (Lit. with the 12 stones from the Jordan at Gilgal). This concept of remembrance being at the forefront connecting them and the crossing into the Promised Land with those leaving Egypt and the crossing of the Red Sea. I see God's presence with Joshua and Joshua's exact obedience and see the correlation as a milestone for me. Joshua would obey EXPECTING God to answer in a miraculous way.

Similarly, the message this Sunday was of Elijah in his contest with the prophets of Baal and his calling fire from heaven to burn up the altar proving the real God.

Last night for our "after dinner" family devotions we read Shadrach, Mishach, and Abednego's response to the king when he threatened them with a firey furnace if they did not bow to his statue, "Our God is able to save us from your hand, but even if he does not, we want you to know O king that we will not bow down..."

I find myself more at the Abednego end of the spectrum than the Joshua and Elijah end. I am willing to obey and believe that God CAN act but probably will NOT act. Over time this brings up the question of whether God DOES act. Another friend of mine who is a missionary in Yemen laid his hands on and prayed for a deceased 1 year old boy to come back to life in public. The boy remained dead. I do not doubt God's ability to raise the boy but I would have been much more surprised if the boy had been raised to life than I am that the boy remained dead.

Why am I so preset to assume God will not act in these acute supernatural requests instead of the opposite? Experience tells me this. I also do not have the right to "twist God's arm" into action. He has the right to do whatever he wants. The dark side of this path is the pragmatic faith of Deus Absconditus or at least God's constant presence in nature and his reluctancy to act in a way contrary to nature. I feel God leading me to help some family and friends with funds but we are in a precarious position ourselves with my job as well as the $4000 hit of going to Haiti. We will obey but I don't feel that God will do anything "acute" to show he is with us. God has always taken care of us and in the end things are fine. I just remember sitting in the car pondering if I REALLY believe God would honor our gift or if we are just shooting our own foot.

It is easy for me to give myself to God and honor him with all I have, but I tend to put the "humble" sticker on the weakness that I don't feel God will "show up" in a miraculous way by recognizing that he is not "required" to show up. That he is aware and cares. That he is prompting us to do and it is his hand guiding all things.

I believe God is integrated into all things but in a very real and pragmatic way, I act Deus Absconditus, or at least that God is so omnipresent and all encompassing that nature itself IS God's action and the natural course of events is his "supernatural", constant integration into creation which he chooses not to violate; which has the same outcome, not believing that God will act in an acute way contrary to the expected. Would I send the priests into the river believing that it would dry up? Would I call fire from heaven to burn up an altar? Would I pray for a baby boy to come back to life? Probably not and I am questioning why.

Forgive the jibber jabber. These are current thoughts pouring onto the page...a dangerous thing indeed!

Stop the world...

I put a growth chart with a picture of my kids as the background at the top of my monitor at work as a constant reminder of the passing time and passing influence I have as a parent, husband...

Another week is coming to a close. "Where has the time gone?" is a satirically comical cliche of our culture. I look back on this week and ask, "how have I grown?, What have I learned?" We have had a busy week but nothing stands out as being progressive, only the "usual daily grind" of things.

So much of my time and energy is spent on "survival" that much is lost in terms of purposeful growth. I have tasks that I have wanted to get to for a long time but have not had an open time slot big enough to do it. At times "maintaining" seems more than I can do so growth is definitely out of the picture. My recent trip to Haiti has really brought this to the forefront. The trip was very purposeful and made a big difference but proved costly coming home to two weeks of not "maintaining" my life and work in the States.

Matthew West sings "Stop the world, I want to get off" and my heart understands. I want to escape the tyranny of the urgent and routine. Life in the States requires that I budget more and more of my time and resources to "routine" and "maintenance". I am trying to find ways to streamline maintenance so I can focus on growth as a person, Christian, father, husband and focus on the needs and desires of others in service to God for His glory.