Friday, June 20, 2008
Keeping with repentance...
Awareness is often a huge step towards resolving most problems. My personal and our family times in prayer and scripture have been restored in the last couple days. I am still tired but there is the inner strength and trust in God who is above it all. My prayer is for light for my eyes (Ps 13). John the Baptist kicked my butt by saying produce fruit in keeping with repentance. If I say I have repented and trusted Christ then I must continue to produce that fruit. The Christian life is definitely a marathon, one that I want to finish well, and one that I cannot even run without God's empowering.
Monday, June 09, 2008
Caught in the Breadth of difficulty...
I noticed today that in the last several weeks my spiritual life has been drained and tired. I am not reading scripture much personally or with my family. Things are "slipping" and I was not sure why. We have been in much more trying and difficult circumstances yet those brought us closer to the Lord. This morning I think I have found the difference, breadth of difficulty instead of depth. A deep well of one or two big trials or a shallow, 3" pond of 1000 trivial trials that is so wide you cannot see the shoreline (Honey Lake), Trials that are so little you hate to even call them trials.
Having a couple very difficult circumstances can draw you to the Lord because you see them, they are obvious and the specifics take a lot of your mental time. The difference with my current situation is that there are a mountain of small issues all at the same time and when there is a to-do list longer than Santa's Christmas list, I tend to get paralized and overwhelmed at the task. There are the bigger issues like my precarious, temporary job situation, the troubles with the adoption, and the starting of a joint venture we have invested in, but it is the mountain of small things (put handles on the drawers in the kitchen, Heather's homework, new landscaping for the backyard...) these get me buried. This is where the profound truth lies for me.
There are few large items that draw me to the Lord and the mountain of small things distract me and keep me busy and tired, too much so to take time for the Lord...because I have to take another trip to Wal-Mart and the post office before it closes. The fast-paced American lifestyle is much more dangerous for my spiritual life than the "big ticket" stress items I have faced in the past. Granted, we have a lot going on (New house/remodel, barely employed, homeschool kids, Heather's Masters program, China Adoption, Ministry possibilities here or overseas, New business) but it is the breadth of the difficulties is wearing me thin and tiring me out. I must recognize the trials for what they are doing, keeping me from the Lord. I cannot take them lightly. The great deception is that their urgency keeps me from my source of refreshment, my time with God. Even recognizing this disparity, I am not sure how much it will change my pattern. I will spend time with God today but I fear getting swept away in busy-ness even before the day ends.
In times like these I am amazed by God's patience and grace.
Having a couple very difficult circumstances can draw you to the Lord because you see them, they are obvious and the specifics take a lot of your mental time. The difference with my current situation is that there are a mountain of small issues all at the same time and when there is a to-do list longer than Santa's Christmas list, I tend to get paralized and overwhelmed at the task. There are the bigger issues like my precarious, temporary job situation, the troubles with the adoption, and the starting of a joint venture we have invested in, but it is the mountain of small things (put handles on the drawers in the kitchen, Heather's homework, new landscaping for the backyard...) these get me buried. This is where the profound truth lies for me.
There are few large items that draw me to the Lord and the mountain of small things distract me and keep me busy and tired, too much so to take time for the Lord...because I have to take another trip to Wal-Mart and the post office before it closes. The fast-paced American lifestyle is much more dangerous for my spiritual life than the "big ticket" stress items I have faced in the past. Granted, we have a lot going on (New house/remodel, barely employed, homeschool kids, Heather's Masters program, China Adoption, Ministry possibilities here or overseas, New business) but it is the breadth of the difficulties is wearing me thin and tiring me out. I must recognize the trials for what they are doing, keeping me from the Lord. I cannot take them lightly. The great deception is that their urgency keeps me from my source of refreshment, my time with God. Even recognizing this disparity, I am not sure how much it will change my pattern. I will spend time with God today but I fear getting swept away in busy-ness even before the day ends.
In times like these I am amazed by God's patience and grace.
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