Peace on earth...

This past Sunday our family lit the church's advent candle of Peace.

Two things usually come to mind when I think of "peace" either the absence of war between two nations or people, or the idea of personal inner quietness. Many, Christian or not, repeat the angel's proclamation, "Peace on earth" but what was the intent of the herald angel? and why would they rejoice in it?

In Matthew ch10, Jesus says, "Don't suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth." Most people wish for "world peace" at Christmas time as the interpretation of a hopeful "peace on earth" but peace between men is not what God has in mind. It is not even inner peace in the individual. This is a proclamation of the offering of peace between men and God. 

It would be amazing to find peace between Israel and Palistine but how much more amazing to have peace between God and men? This is why the angel's reacted the way they did. It was the expression of God's grace, a revelation of who he is.

Paul calls us to have inner peace but we can only have that peace because it is based on the peace we have with God. The biblical concept of peace (eirene) is not just limited to absence of war but the root of the word comes from the verb to join (eiro).

This season we can celebrate because the Prince of Peace was given to Join us to our creator in the greatest act of grace and mercy ever displayed, giving us the undeserved gift of reconciliation and it is because of this that we can have inner peace as well.

"CHANGE" the buzz word of today....

Making a "difference", "changing lives" or "change" seems to be the mantra of today be it a presidential campaign or auto insurance. Most of the vision or purpose statements of today's trendiest churches include this cryptic statement of modern culture. I am puzzled how "different" equals better or if it is implied without sounding arrogant. It is the continuation of "the grass is always greener..." feeding on man's need for the new(his subconscious pursuit of God). I know the intentions are "changing" for the better, to try a different strategy on life but it begs the question "why?" Most people want a "better" life meaning comfort and ease rather than forgiveness. I fear that today's culture will not accept the evangelical church to continue to say that the only way to God is through Christ. This "elitist" attitude smells of arrogance to the public, so "change" is more palatable because it doesn't necessarily mean superior just different.

Theologically speaking "change" in and of itself is neutral. It can lead to both the bad and the good. I understand the intent is a change for the better but that brings up all kinds of baggage in the subjective term "better". Trusting Christ will not make life easier, happier or more fun; but rather the opposite.

I am not saying that "change" is bad, but a difference for the sake of difference or in the pursuit of comfort and self gratification is not beneficial. "Making a difference in the world" or "leaving my mark" seems to be more about me and less about God. Maybe I am making much of nothing, but I was just puzzled by our fascination with "change" these days rather than "hope, trust, faith, forgiveness and justification" Becoming a "new creation" is much more than just a "changed" life, it is a metamorphosis. Many things "change" people's lives each day be it blessing or tragedy, but it is only God who can make me a "new creation".

That brings up our incessant use of superlatives and overstatements (I love ice cream, Awesome, thank you SO much...) but that is another conversation on its own =D

Coliding worlds...

Year's end is typically busy and stressful for people but it seems to be gearing up to be a collossal converging for us. I am reminded of my earlier post of the converging of great need and great action when the Israelites were up against the red sea. This December finds me starting a new business, finishing an old contract by a Dec31 deadline, finally getting our package together for adoption and teaching a class at church while trying not to get laid off by my job.

This has the makings of being a huge milestone of God's provision for my family but it also has a possibility of becoming a huge disaster. I know the Lord is in control but my stress comes from not knowing if His direction for us lies in disaster, miraculous success or just a whole lot of nothing.

I must take even more time off work to finish the contract which will pull me out of critical, job keeping loops at work, which I may not need if the business flies after about a year of rampup. I only need to keep my job until after the homestudy for the adoption (they don't like to see the insecurity of "self-employed"). If everything continues in the direction it looks like it is going then no timing could be more perfect (a pattern we have seen over and over in our lives). Murphy reminds me though, that nothing continues as planned and the ramifications of failure or poor timing is a failed adoption, failed business, loss of life savings and loss of job all in a market that makes recovery near impossible. Much is at stake for us this season. 

There are times of greatness that you can see coming on the horizon, unsure times that may turn out to be great blessing or suffering but like an unstoppable tidal wave in the distance, it is coming nonetheless. This will be a great moment for us one way or the other. My responsibility is to make sure it is marked by and remembered as a time of great faith in God and his choices for our life instead of faith in self.

Lord give us the strength and foresight to keep knowledge of and intimacy with you as our goal and the end of our being...

Why I voted for Obama...

One of the great things about this country is the right of every citizen to vote for their personal choice of  elected officials without having to give a reason or defend their position. I am writing this because many have asked me how a Christian can vote for a democratic nominee and I wanted to give my personal reasons as a possible basis for how a Christian could vote this way because above all I identify myself as a Christian. Voting Democratic is a first for me, I must confess, so I understand the concerns of Republican Christians.

First of all we all must recognize that neither party is the “Christian” party. Neither party guides their platform by the Bible though I believe major constituents of both parties are influenced by the truths of the Bible. My desire here is not to discredit McCain. He is a hero of our nation and I believe him to be a good man. I may compare him now and again but my main point is to explain why I voted FOR Obama not AGAINST McCain, a distinction that I feel is important.

My decision was the compilation of many pros and cons. Below I have briefly discussed several of the “hot topics” of the election so people can read that I am not just “uniformed” or making an “emotional” decision without a reasonable basis.

Redistribution – I have heard many Christians tell me that “Christianity is not a means of government” when it comes to this topic but you then cannot say you voted for government to reflect biblical principles in other areas if you don’t think government should reflect this principle. I believe the Bible is clear about caring for the poor and even mandating on a governmental level for the rich to give to the poor, whether they want to or not, and they do not have a say in what programs are valuable to them or not. It is taking from the rich and giving to the poor a redistribution of wealth. They have no authority over how the money is spent. We can see this principle in the local church today. We must give to the local church but most of us have no direct say in how the money is spent.

I don’t think people refute the concept of individual giving it is the concept of corporate/governmentally mandated giving that causes problems. The scripture that tells us to give individually tells us something about the preferences of God. When we read 1Jn 3:16 we also have to remember that although he is not mandating particular actions he is mandating a giving heart of compassion. This is not a new concept. This has been throughout scripture and started in specific mandates. The reason 1Jn is written the way it was is because many, like the Pharisees, obeyed the specifics but not the heart.

Giving is governmentally mandated in Deut10:18 – Foreigner, widow, orphan; Isa 58 as true worship; Lk 3:11 (reiterating Isa58); Acts 2:43-47 (albeit voluntary); 1Jn 3:16 among others. The most significant “socialistic” scripture of them all is Lev 25 and the years of Jubilee. The list just doesn’t seem to end when it comes to generosity toward the oppressed, the widow, the fatherless and the alien.

I don’t believe these commands are strictly for Israel but even if I did, the overwhelming slant of scripture is toward redistribution instead of only giving to whom you want, when you feel like it. People in general are selfish and do not want to share which is why this was mandated to the Israelites.

On a more pragmatic level, “Trickle down economics” is not working. CEO salaries have gone through the roof while blue collar workers are falling behind.

In 1970, CEO salary and bonus packages were typically about $700,000 - 25 times the average production worker salary; by 2000, CEO salaries had jumped to almost $2.2 million on average, 90 times the average salary of a worker, according to a 2004 study on CEO pay by Kevin J. Murphy and Jan Zabojnik. Toss in stock options and other benefits, and the salary of a CEO is nearly 500 times the average worker salary, the study says.

CEO Pay and Appointments: A Market-Based Explanation for recent trends, IZA Discussion Papers 2408, Institute for the Study of Labor (IZA)

http://ideas.repec.org/a/aea/aecrev/v94y2004i2p192-196.html

 We are finding that wealth given at the top does not come down to the poor but rather stays at the top. I saw the end result of this kind of thinking first hand in Guatemala.

I believe that you should be compensated for what you do but even if you find a solution to all the world’s problems, no one needs billions of dollars a year. I am not trying to draw a line of what is “too wealthy” but only testing the principles of worth between employee and employer.

Abortion – I have heard all kinds of falsities about Obama’s stance here (He voted to kill babies after they were born, abortion should be used as population control…). Yes, he is very pro-choice, but when I actually checked out the stories I found that his aim is to lessen the number of abortions. Unfortunately, the day of outlawing abortion is gone. It was a hope of mine in my vote for Bush yet not achieved. I think this is because America has already decided. Colorado voted to consider life starting at conception (my personal view) which was defeated 73% to 27%.

I personally am very pro life but have a slightly different definition. I am pro ALL human life, if it is the unborn child, the elderly, the soldier over seas, the illegal immigrant, even the people of enemy states. Who can say that one life has more value than another? If I fight for the life of a helpless and innocent baby but neglect the life of other innocent and helpless people I would be a hypocrite against my own moral understanding of scripture. That makes the isolated issue of abortion fit into the picture of life as a whole and when seen in this light the decision is not black and white. In the end, I believe more innocent lives will be spared under the administration of Obama than McCain.

In our study of Joshua we found that God was very harsh with the leaders of Israel because they set the tone for the attitude of the nation. I believe this to be true today. The CNN exit polls showed that those whose primary concern was the war on terror or presidential experience, voted for McCain. Those whose primary concerns were the energy crisis or the ability to bring change, voted for Obama. The most telling one was in most every state the people overwhelmingly chose Obama as “cares for people”. It is this last one that catches my attention as the direction I want the attitude of the nation to move toward.  CARE for people so giving doesn’t need to be mandated by law.

The emphasis on war even war on terror focuses on adversarial relationships. I believe Obama will bring a national and international air of cooperation and peace. This may be naïve, I have been known to be so and hold it as one of my best qualities.

Gay rights – marriage, military – First, I don’t care if Gays are in the military. In other nations they have been known to be more dedicated warriors because of their attachments. My concern in this area is not to keep gays from being together in a “marital” relationship. I don’t see that as the goal of those who stand for gay marriage. I see it as a sly move to make it seen as normal. I do believe Obama will work toward an amendment allowing gay marriage which is a big negative for me. I don’t think McCain or Obama can either stop this or make it go on their own. This is a cultural issue that will find its way into mainstream culture. I could vote against it and stay it off for a short time but although it is a definite Biblical principle, it falls to the background.

Appointment of Judges – This was my primary CON against Obama. I feel his appointments to the Supreme Court may be even more lasting a decision than his presidency. The Supreme Court has had a nasty habit of making laws by decree instead of legislature which I hold to be a violation of the balance of power. I hope culture will correct this flaw in our government. I don’t have much to say here because I do not support Obama here. My hope is that he will be moderate in his appointments.

Energy crisis – The American public as a whole is changing its paradigm when it comes to oil and energy. The fact that a hybrid is much more of a status symbol than a muscle car. I think America came to this crossroad once before in 1973 with the oil crisis and culture was not “forced” to move away form oil so in the end, it didn’t. Obama’s path will be harder than McCain’s, but in the end I think it is more forward thinking especially when the political stakes are so high in supporting nations involved in terror (I do feel we need to address terror but in ways other than war, if possible).

Economy – I believe the economy will be hurt in the immediate future by Obama. This isn’t much of a negative for me. Correction usually hurts and this countries current definition of capitalism needs to be reworked in my opinion. I have already discussed much of my opinion above regarding this issue. I think that in the long run, the wealthy will be hurt but the middle class and poor will feel validated and become a much more active participant in the economy rather than being controlled by a few major players. People may think about their purchases more instead of being blind consumers. (Again, naivety creeps in)

Health Care – I am not sure Obama’s solutions will cure our problems with health care but the path we are taking is deteriorating quickly and I believe continuing to do the same thing will only take us further down the path we are on. I am ready for a change and try risky things if need be. My view is also more socialistic so universal health care is within my desires. I feel the primary problem with health care is litigation and the need for insurance. People will sue for anything and it has gotten unreasonable. Insurance is a death spiral. I feel robbed by how much I pay in insurance premiums so when I go to the doctor, I get whatever I can regardless of the cost because, “that’s why I have insurance” the problem with this line of thinking is, insurance companies WILL make a profit, they will just raise premiums in order to do that. Doctors raise prices because the consumer doesn’t mind. People sue thinking the medical community is just raking in the money. These things have fed each other and gotten out of control. I am ready for something new, I am ready to roll the dice. This may sound reckless but I see an eminent crash if we maintain our current course.

Democratic republic – I feel the governance of the two candidates can be placed into two general categories I believe Obama will lean to follow the will of people and McCain, Like president Bush will lean on his own moral compass. Both of these have advantages but I feel McCain will find more advisories than comrades and I see the definition of the republic falling more in line with the direction of Obama. Which leads into…

Concept of Unity – Those who have complained against Bush have no more basis for complaint. Those complaining about racial lines are quieted and satisfied. I see Obama having a better chance of uniting the country and healing world opinion. Built up cultural lines and adversaries now have to join a common pot again. The escalation is gone. The country needs to have unifying work or it will tear itself apart. Charisma does play a role. People are inspired by Obama and will be more apt to follow. A unified country is best for us all even if we don’t fully agree with the leadership. Being a minority also plays a role. The world has seen us as the oppressors, and in many ways we have been. I heard on NPR last week that a culture reveals its shift in paradigms when it shifts its metaphors. In the 60’s we changed the laws of this nation but the election of Obama was a change in metaphor which makes it so important. I heard the French saying “we wish we could be American so we can take even just a bite of this liberation”. I voted for Obama in part because I am tired of the racist baggage and am ready to move on. The world now sees us as a leader in human rights because we have elected a minority.

The summary of it all is that I felt that a vote for Obama was being able to tell the poor we care; tell the country, we need come together and change; tell the world, we are not the monsters you think we are. It is our opportunity to be better. All of which are integrated into my view of biblical principles. I don’t want to rule the world, I want to love the oppressed.

Even if you disagree, at least you can know I did not take this vote lightly and I gave it much thought. If you still need any clarifications, I always welcome interested dialogue. Remember this is just my personal view and interpretation of scripture, NOT the right view or the biblical view. These are all areas we must wrestle with and discuss together in LOVE.

In HIS Grip,

Eric Haddox

Mic 6:8

"Present" in "do", "Abscoditus" in "receive"...

A friend of mine listed his religious views as "Deus Absconditus"- the hidden or removed God. In what ways do my belief system reflect a similar skepticism?

I have been teaching on Joshua at church and looking at God's statements that he was with Joshua and backing that up with supernatural acts that would serve as reminders, milestones to remember (Lit. with the 12 stones from the Jordan at Gilgal). This concept of remembrance being at the forefront connecting them and the crossing into the Promised Land with those leaving Egypt and the crossing of the Red Sea. I see God's presence with Joshua and Joshua's exact obedience and see the correlation as a milestone for me. Joshua would obey EXPECTING God to answer in a miraculous way.

Similarly, the message this Sunday was of Elijah in his contest with the prophets of Baal and his calling fire from heaven to burn up the altar proving the real God.

Last night for our "after dinner" family devotions we read Shadrach, Mishach, and Abednego's response to the king when he threatened them with a firey furnace if they did not bow to his statue, "Our God is able to save us from your hand, but even if he does not, we want you to know O king that we will not bow down..."

I find myself more at the Abednego end of the spectrum than the Joshua and Elijah end. I am willing to obey and believe that God CAN act but probably will NOT act. Over time this brings up the question of whether God DOES act. Another friend of mine who is a missionary in Yemen laid his hands on and prayed for a deceased 1 year old boy to come back to life in public. The boy remained dead. I do not doubt God's ability to raise the boy but I would have been much more surprised if the boy had been raised to life than I am that the boy remained dead.

Why am I so preset to assume God will not act in these acute supernatural requests instead of the opposite? Experience tells me this. I also do not have the right to "twist God's arm" into action. He has the right to do whatever he wants. The dark side of this path is the pragmatic faith of Deus Absconditus or at least God's constant presence in nature and his reluctancy to act in a way contrary to nature. I feel God leading me to help some family and friends with funds but we are in a precarious position ourselves with my job as well as the $4000 hit of going to Haiti. We will obey but I don't feel that God will do anything "acute" to show he is with us. God has always taken care of us and in the end things are fine. I just remember sitting in the car pondering if I REALLY believe God would honor our gift or if we are just shooting our own foot.

It is easy for me to give myself to God and honor him with all I have, but I tend to put the "humble" sticker on the weakness that I don't feel God will "show up" in a miraculous way by recognizing that he is not "required" to show up. That he is aware and cares. That he is prompting us to do and it is his hand guiding all things.

I believe God is integrated into all things but in a very real and pragmatic way, I act Deus Absconditus, or at least that God is so omnipresent and all encompassing that nature itself IS God's action and the natural course of events is his "supernatural", constant integration into creation which he chooses not to violate; which has the same outcome, not believing that God will act in an acute way contrary to the expected. Would I send the priests into the river believing that it would dry up? Would I call fire from heaven to burn up an altar? Would I pray for a baby boy to come back to life? Probably not and I am questioning why.

Forgive the jibber jabber. These are current thoughts pouring onto the page...a dangerous thing indeed!

Stop the world...

I put a growth chart with a picture of my kids as the background at the top of my monitor at work as a constant reminder of the passing time and passing influence I have as a parent, husband...

Another week is coming to a close. "Where has the time gone?" is a satirically comical cliche of our culture. I look back on this week and ask, "how have I grown?, What have I learned?" We have had a busy week but nothing stands out as being progressive, only the "usual daily grind" of things.

So much of my time and energy is spent on "survival" that much is lost in terms of purposeful growth. I have tasks that I have wanted to get to for a long time but have not had an open time slot big enough to do it. At times "maintaining" seems more than I can do so growth is definitely out of the picture. My recent trip to Haiti has really brought this to the forefront. The trip was very purposeful and made a big difference but proved costly coming home to two weeks of not "maintaining" my life and work in the States.

Matthew West sings "Stop the world, I want to get off" and my heart understands. I want to escape the tyranny of the urgent and routine. Life in the States requires that I budget more and more of my time and resources to "routine" and "maintenance". I am trying to find ways to streamline maintenance so I can focus on growth as a person, Christian, father, husband and focus on the needs and desires of others in service to God for His glory.

God's love in me...

I spent the last 11 days in Haiti helping with clean water for disaster relief. I still have much to process and will probably write more about it later. I just was pondering this scripture and wondering how to spur on the believers as well as myself to take it to heart.

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
-1 John 3:16

Coasting and waiting...

Our lives are typically filled with adventure, and I'd have it no other way, but these days it seems like everything is pointing to the future and I find myself waiting. Waiting for Heather's masters, waiting for the adoption, waiting for investments to mature, waiting for new business projects.

I was asked to contribute to another blog but I find myself with not much to say, a rare event. I find myself too busy to keep up with what I want to do leaving me with little time to ponder and not much to say.

I am typically a pretty lazy guy. I guess I should say, I am motivated to do what I understand and like to do but drag my feet with things that I don't really know how to do or really don't like to do. I like to daydream and spend unrushed time with my family but I am not finding much of that these days. I know it is for a season but that again brings me to "waiting".

I believe life should be lived strategically, with greater purposes and goals in view and lived toward them, but, at the same time, life must be lived and enjoyed along the way and I am finding myself apathetic toward the latter. I am in one of those times that you say, "I just want to be at the next step, I wish it were a year from now..." but this is very dangerous thinking because I loose this time in life. Lord give me the strength to continue faithfully working and waiting but also give me a love for the present.

Keeping with repentance...

Awareness is often a huge step towards resolving most problems. My personal and our family times in prayer and scripture have been restored in the last couple days. I am still tired but there is the inner strength and trust in God who is above it all. My prayer is for light for my eyes (Ps 13). John the Baptist kicked my butt by saying produce fruit in keeping with repentance. If I say I have repented and trusted Christ then I must continue to produce that fruit. The Christian life is definitely a marathon, one that I want to finish well, and one that I cannot even run without God's empowering.

Caught in the Breadth of difficulty...

I noticed today that in the last several weeks my spiritual life has been drained and tired. I am not reading scripture much personally or with my family. Things are "slipping" and I was not sure why. We have been in much more trying and difficult circumstances yet those brought us closer to the Lord. This morning I think I have found the difference, breadth of difficulty instead of depth. A deep well of one or two big trials or a shallow, 3" pond of 1000 trivial trials that is so wide you cannot see the shoreline (Honey Lake), Trials that are so little you hate to even call them trials.

Having a couple very difficult circumstances can draw you to the Lord because you see them, they are obvious and the specifics take a lot of your mental time. The difference with my current situation is that there are a mountain of small issues all at the same time and when there is a to-do list longer than Santa's Christmas list, I tend to get paralized and overwhelmed at the task. There are the bigger issues like my precarious, temporary job situation, the troubles with the adoption, and the starting of a joint venture we have invested in, but it is the mountain of small things (put handles on the drawers in the kitchen, Heather's homework, new landscaping for the backyard...) these get me buried. This is where the profound truth lies for me.

There are few large items that draw me to the Lord and the mountain of small things distract me and keep me busy and tired, too much so to take time for the Lord...because I have to take another trip to Wal-Mart and the post office before it closes. The fast-paced American lifestyle is much more dangerous for my spiritual life than the "big ticket" stress items I have faced in the past. Granted, we have a lot going on (New house/remodel, barely employed, homeschool kids, Heather's Masters program, China Adoption, Ministry possibilities here or overseas, New business) but it is the breadth of the difficulties is wearing me thin and tiring me out. I must recognize the trials for what they are doing, keeping me from the Lord. I cannot take them lightly. The great deception is that their urgency keeps me from my source of refreshment, my time with God. Even recognizing this disparity, I am not sure how much it will change my pattern. I will spend time with God today but I fear getting swept away in busy-ness even before the day ends.

In times like these I am amazed by God's patience and grace.

The Layoff...

I was laid off from my job three days ago. Initially I was stunned but excited by what God was going to do. Now it is becoming a bit more real that I really have lost my job. The timing of the surrounding events make the loss of my job a bit more significant. We are purchasing a house that closes in a week with $33,000 due at closing. The house is a great deal but needs repairs. In just this past week all of the following has happened.

The day before I was laid off I paid $3000 and signed a contract for $3000 more to redo the countertops in the new house. $1700 needs to be paid to the guy refinishing the floors. About $5,000 more will need to be spent in the house to make it functional. We spent $1400 on non-refundable tickets to Hawaii and a car rental for our anniversary. We paid $2500 to start our adoption of a girl in china that will cost about $20,000 and $500 toward a $2500 homestudy for that same adoption. To top it all off, in December when Zoe was careflighted from Susanville to Redding because of a strange sickness and possible broken neck, the insurance denied the claim for the careflight and we received a $17,000 bill.

The economy is terrible and there really aren't many jobs available but God is still faithful. It is in these times that I have always wanted to prove my faith and trust in God, and, true to form, He has given us the grace to deal with the situation in faith. This may be a time of change and we are reflecting on what God would have for us. Now is the time to see if I really believe he owns the cattle on 1000 hills. He is not required to help us but I know he will. He may not provide that help in the form of money but he will provide. We cannot trust in the security of money but in the Creator of all things. He will not leave us lacking in the things that matter most.

None of this was a surprise to God. He is on the move and we are ready to drop our nets and follow...

Hope...

I feel like I am back in 9th grade, looking at the girl that is way out of my league across the room in my second period history class that I have secretly had a crush on since the third grade. Should I hold back in fear or risk looking like a fool, go for it, and see what happens. Nervous and unsure I walk across the room to ask her out on a date and confess my longstanding feelings for her.

Unfortunately I will not get a response for a while and must wait in hope.

The thoughts of the possibility of pastoring at Lake Almanor Community Church is an excitement that consumes much of my thoughts. I know that it is still very unlikely but I cannot help but hope. So many hard things that have happened in the past would start to make sense. I have always been challenged by a song that questions if you are where you hoped you would be when you were a child. If I did get the position there, I think I would be exactly where I hoped I would be. I love the people, have family there, have spiritual ties there with Heather's baptism and discipleship, and we were married there.

Just a couple days ago I was talking with a friend about childhood dreams and when I was a small child my dream was to live in the mountains on a lake and be able to go to the restaurant and say "I'll have the usual". This vision also included a hawk, but I was only about 8 yrs old. This is also coupled with my desire to care for people, study the word, teach the word, and enable people for service to a hurting world.

I know this post sounds much more like a Junior Higher with a crush than my usual post, but sometimes hope does that to you. The nervous, unsure but joyful butterflies creep in and, like the young man in love, thoughts don't drift far. I know the work would be hard and the "honeymoon" period would end but on the other side of that, I know I would still love it.

To those fellow daydreamers out there, never stop hoping and dreaming even if they never are realized. So here my unpolished post. Here is to hoping and dreaming...

Finding the Rhythm...

Things are settling down. I have a job and a house and 2 cars. We are establishing some new friendships. It is no longer storming, but still we wait in hope.

The workings of the states still frustrates me. People have so much yet still are not happy. The focus on comfort and coolness that pervades even the church itself is chilling. I find it hard to relate anymore and my experiences from Guatemala seem beyond understanding for most. We as Americans focus our "rights" and set our "boundaries" on such meaningless things at the cost of the things that matter most. Fear and paranoia rule, keeping people from reaching out to the hurting. Safety, protection, caution are on all sides. We prayed for some people being sent out from our church, "above all, keep them safe" rather than "above all, make their efforts effective for the gospel". I just find myself having difficulty finding the rhythm of the USA culture, having become accustomed to a different drumbeat. The things that matter to me most now, are not the most important to those around me. And what they find very important, I don't anymore. I believe that safety, saving, and caring for your things are noble but not at the cost of showing love to one another so the world will know that we are the Lords.

We are not believers to have a "better" or "easier" life. We are believers to find reconciliation with God.

I have been pondering Job lately. The message of Job to me these weeks have been one of the character and nature of God. He, simply stated, is God and whatever his character might be does not change the fact that he still is God and what I think about his actions or tactics are irrelevant.

This is not to say that God is not good. This is only to say that I was created for his purposes of revealing his character. If the portion of his character he wants to reveal requires my demise or suffering then I still would have no complaint I could file. I will fill my role. I have no "rights" with my creator. He has every right to do with me as he wishes. This has brought me a lot of peace.

I hope that our constant blessing and praising God in the midst of trials will bring us blessing but I understand that it is not required. For us to endure trials well does not entitle us to blessings, it only means that God wished to reveal his greatness in grace by how he allowed us to endure the difficulties. Our difficulties brought glory to him which is our created purpose. He is not required to do anything for us. Lk 17:10

My perspective has changed. I am struggling, not just with readapting to the US culture but also with whether I should readapt to it to begin with. There is a balance of what to keep and what not to that I am starting to find. I am finding the rhythm but keeping a few of my "off" beats to give a little extra spice to the music.

God is still faithful...from Zechariah

Usually the mid 30's are a time of thriving and advancing. I find myself at 34 with no home, no cars, no work and living in the back two rooms of my parents house with my wife and 4 children. We have lost nearly $35k in our investments, my son broke his tooth and my daughter possibly her neck. Virtually every plan we make seems to hit a dead end and yet God is still faithful so I will remain the same.

I cannot remotely relate to Job though he visits my thoughts often. I more relate to Zechariah, father of John the baptist. Zechariah was a priest who walked righteously but carried the "disgrace" of being without children. I would figure that many suspected that he sat under God's judgement because "who can close the womb" but God alone? Like a mini version of Job he appeared to be under God's judgement when in reality he had found favor with God. Just yesterday Heather mentioned to me that I would make a good pastor because I have lived a life "above reproach" and reminded me of Zechariah.

The hardships we have endured have not been that bad, the difficulty comes from the cycle of hope of a possible opportunity and then the dissapointment that comes when the mission field (Jordan) closes, the insurance coverage is denied or the job vanishes. There is a sence of shame, disgrace, judgement from God. It is easy for me to see the rewards of following Christ when life clicks in place and those things that are beyond my control fall into place to reveal the path to follow God's provision. It is harder to see the blessing of obedience in the midst of a "string of bad luck" and nothing seems to come together. It is in these times that I must trust God's faithfulness and continue to walk as faithfully as I know how.

God's faithfulness to me is not defined by nor dependant on how well or easily my circumstances come together or how much "good luck" I have. The fact is that God IS faithful and is faithful to me by irrevocably aligning me with his son for justification (translation - he has been faithful because he has called me his son to be with him forever and will never take that back).

God has not "called" us to be missionaries or pastors or engineers. He has called us to be his children and to "live a life worthy of the calling" by being obedient. Obedience is not a particular location or occupation but a position of the heart. We must reflect the love of Christ wherever we are to whoever is around and that I continue to strive to do, first to my family, then to whoever God puts in my path.

There are still more opportunities before us but the hope wearies me and I continue to pray Ps 13, that God would "give light to my eyes", give me the renewed energy to keep pressing on with God himself as my goal.

Virtually every plan we make seems to hit a dead end and yet God is still faithful so I will remain the same.