When to let go...

Despite how depressing that sounds, with a family, it becomes a real consideration. How badly you want to do something does not ensure that it will be done at that time. It is even more frustrating when the determining factor is something as lame as work or money. The dichotomy then appears to be follow the calling God has put on your heart in faith or shrink away because you don't believe God will provide. This is a false dichotomy because my first calling is to my family and the question may be will I choose to follow my dreams or sacrifice them to care for my family. Questions of faith can be difficult to answer and require much reflection. I believe that stepping out in faith may, at times, be stepping back in faith. Do I continue to pursue a ministry before us where it financially looks impossible, in faith, or do I turn to responsibility and turn down the ministry opportunities?

I have concluded that I have made myself available and God's calling may be true but not for now. My primary ministry is to my family. Paul had said that this would be a tension. I cannot say that ministry is not an option for our family right now but only that my pursuit is shifting from trying to make the ministry work to trying to find work as a ministry to my family. I still fully believe that God is able to turn the tides but I must do what I believe is right and follow my highest calling which is to be like Jesus and then care for my family.

This seems to fly in the face of the countless stories of missionaries or even Bible stories where men of faith put their families at risk for the sake of God's calling. Maybe I just don't have enough faith to be that sure of God's calling but as for now, I hope I will always have the strength to choose family over ministry.