God is still faithful...from Zechariah

Usually the mid 30's are a time of thriving and advancing. I find myself at 34 with no home, no cars, no work and living in the back two rooms of my parents house with my wife and 4 children. We have lost nearly $35k in our investments, my son broke his tooth and my daughter possibly her neck. Virtually every plan we make seems to hit a dead end and yet God is still faithful so I will remain the same.

I cannot remotely relate to Job though he visits my thoughts often. I more relate to Zechariah, father of John the baptist. Zechariah was a priest who walked righteously but carried the "disgrace" of being without children. I would figure that many suspected that he sat under God's judgement because "who can close the womb" but God alone? Like a mini version of Job he appeared to be under God's judgement when in reality he had found favor with God. Just yesterday Heather mentioned to me that I would make a good pastor because I have lived a life "above reproach" and reminded me of Zechariah.

The hardships we have endured have not been that bad, the difficulty comes from the cycle of hope of a possible opportunity and then the dissapointment that comes when the mission field (Jordan) closes, the insurance coverage is denied or the job vanishes. There is a sence of shame, disgrace, judgement from God. It is easy for me to see the rewards of following Christ when life clicks in place and those things that are beyond my control fall into place to reveal the path to follow God's provision. It is harder to see the blessing of obedience in the midst of a "string of bad luck" and nothing seems to come together. It is in these times that I must trust God's faithfulness and continue to walk as faithfully as I know how.

God's faithfulness to me is not defined by nor dependant on how well or easily my circumstances come together or how much "good luck" I have. The fact is that God IS faithful and is faithful to me by irrevocably aligning me with his son for justification (translation - he has been faithful because he has called me his son to be with him forever and will never take that back).

God has not "called" us to be missionaries or pastors or engineers. He has called us to be his children and to "live a life worthy of the calling" by being obedient. Obedience is not a particular location or occupation but a position of the heart. We must reflect the love of Christ wherever we are to whoever is around and that I continue to strive to do, first to my family, then to whoever God puts in my path.

There are still more opportunities before us but the hope wearies me and I continue to pray Ps 13, that God would "give light to my eyes", give me the renewed energy to keep pressing on with God himself as my goal.

Virtually every plan we make seems to hit a dead end and yet God is still faithful so I will remain the same.