Despite how depressing that sounds, with a family, it becomes a real consideration. How badly you want to do something does not ensure that it will be done at that time. It is even more frustrating when the determining factor is something as lame as work or money. The dichotomy then appears to be follow the calling God has put on your heart in faith or shrink away because you don't believe God will provide. This is a false dichotomy because my first calling is to my family and the question may be will I choose to follow my dreams or sacrifice them to care for my family. Questions of faith can be difficult to answer and require much reflection. I believe that stepping out in faith may, at times, be stepping back in faith. Do I continue to pursue a ministry before us where it financially looks impossible, in faith, or do I turn to responsibility and turn down the ministry opportunities?
I have concluded that I have made myself available and God's calling may be true but not for now. My primary ministry is to my family. Paul had said that this would be a tension. I cannot say that ministry is not an option for our family right now but only that my pursuit is shifting from trying to make the ministry work to trying to find work as a ministry to my family. I still fully believe that God is able to turn the tides but I must do what I believe is right and follow my highest calling which is to be like Jesus and then care for my family.
This seems to fly in the face of the countless stories of missionaries or even Bible stories where men of faith put their families at risk for the sake of God's calling. Maybe I just don't have enough faith to be that sure of God's calling but as for now, I hope I will always have the strength to choose family over ministry.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Ps 13...from "How long" to "Resolve"
We are going through a Ps 13 time. Last week Heather and I read Ps 13 and I memorized it. Two days ago I preached on it. Today I am still trying to live it.
The cliffnotes on Ps 13 is that David is having a private conversation with God because he is going through a hard time and feels like God is not showing up like he should. God is not meeting Davids expectations.
When God doesn't meet our idea of who we think he should be how do we continue in a life of faith?
Ps 13 has 3 stanzas that show us 3 stages David moves through. First when God doesn't meet his expectations he comes to the fork in the road of DOUBT. At this point we can abandon God to our own strength thinking that if God won't take care of it, I will. OR we can present our doubts to God and be real and raw with him.
After we present our doubts to God We cry out to him with our request and come to the second fork of DESPAIR. At this point we can abandon God to our own strength because we rely on God only for what he can do for us. We ask God to make things easy and trust what he can do rather than who he is. OR we can seek God himself as our only desire. David only asked for restored fellowship with God to give light to his eyes - restore his vitality and give him strength to endure. He didn't ask God to take it all away and make it easy. He only asked that he could go through it with God and in His strength.
After We present our doubts to God and in Despair sought the person of God We come to the place of DAVID - RESOLVE. The key to David's resolve was REMEMBRANCE. He focused on who God has been in the past to continue in resolve for the future.
We were hoping to go to Jordan, which fell through. The opportunity in Costa Rica may also be falling through. We then were hoping to get part-time contract work in Reno and focus on helping a local ministry. The contract work fell through.
I find myself asking the same question in Ps 13:1 "HOW LONG?" which more appropriately is like the kid in the back seat asking "how much longer?" The kid doesn't really want to know the time of how much longer but rather they are saying, "Why can't we be there yet because I really don't want to ride any more!"
Heather and I are tired of the ride. We ask God to have us pursue what He has planned for us and not toward any more closed doors. We can hold on to resolve by remembering. We don't even have to just remember how God has been good to us. I remember how God has been good to the Demeulenaere family in hard times. I remember how God was good to my grandfather. I even remember how God was good to the enslaved Israelites in Egypt. All these things can serve as landmarks of remembrance for me. I still daily struggle to have as my sole request, "God I only need fellowship with you and all the rest will fall in place." I still feel the tugs toward an easy/ trouble free life. Unfortunately God still has us on the path of Abraham, "Get up and go to the land that I show you..." Pray for us to have the resolve to follow God in continued fellowship.
Father keep us safe, keep our faith and fellowship with you safe as we follow you to wherever it is that we are going.
The cliffnotes on Ps 13 is that David is having a private conversation with God because he is going through a hard time and feels like God is not showing up like he should. God is not meeting Davids expectations.
When God doesn't meet our idea of who we think he should be how do we continue in a life of faith?
Ps 13 has 3 stanzas that show us 3 stages David moves through. First when God doesn't meet his expectations he comes to the fork in the road of DOUBT. At this point we can abandon God to our own strength thinking that if God won't take care of it, I will. OR we can present our doubts to God and be real and raw with him.
After we present our doubts to God We cry out to him with our request and come to the second fork of DESPAIR. At this point we can abandon God to our own strength because we rely on God only for what he can do for us. We ask God to make things easy and trust what he can do rather than who he is. OR we can seek God himself as our only desire. David only asked for restored fellowship with God to give light to his eyes - restore his vitality and give him strength to endure. He didn't ask God to take it all away and make it easy. He only asked that he could go through it with God and in His strength.
After We present our doubts to God and in Despair sought the person of God We come to the place of DAVID - RESOLVE. The key to David's resolve was REMEMBRANCE. He focused on who God has been in the past to continue in resolve for the future.
We were hoping to go to Jordan, which fell through. The opportunity in Costa Rica may also be falling through. We then were hoping to get part-time contract work in Reno and focus on helping a local ministry. The contract work fell through.
I find myself asking the same question in Ps 13:1 "HOW LONG?" which more appropriately is like the kid in the back seat asking "how much longer?" The kid doesn't really want to know the time of how much longer but rather they are saying, "Why can't we be there yet because I really don't want to ride any more!"
Heather and I are tired of the ride. We ask God to have us pursue what He has planned for us and not toward any more closed doors. We can hold on to resolve by remembering. We don't even have to just remember how God has been good to us. I remember how God has been good to the Demeulenaere family in hard times. I remember how God was good to my grandfather. I even remember how God was good to the enslaved Israelites in Egypt. All these things can serve as landmarks of remembrance for me. I still daily struggle to have as my sole request, "God I only need fellowship with you and all the rest will fall in place." I still feel the tugs toward an easy/ trouble free life. Unfortunately God still has us on the path of Abraham, "Get up and go to the land that I show you..." Pray for us to have the resolve to follow God in continued fellowship.
Father keep us safe, keep our faith and fellowship with you safe as we follow you to wherever it is that we are going.
Monday, August 20, 2007
BLAH BLAH...
I know that my posts get quite wordy and honestly, even after writing a lengthy post, I still don't feel I have expressed myself well. Do you ever want to express an idea but regardless of how many words you put down, the idea still has more to say, more angles to be looked at? Words are such limited things and Lord knows I am not a master of them.
Changing view of heaven...
My View of Heaven is changing. I was reading a book about heaven. It was talking about what the scriptures say about it. The book was trying to encourage its readers by making the place more real by giving the physical biblical descriptions of the place because it is harder to be motivated by something abstract that can't be understood. I must confess that for me the book was quite the opposite.
I have always held to the idea that heaven will be so wonderful and so wholy other that I cannot imagine what it will be like. Truthfully, this is not the attitude of scripture. One time, when I was a boy, I asked my mom if I could have a Ferrari in heaven. My mother, in her wisdom, told me, "If you still need a Ferrari to be happy in heaven, then you will have one."
After being challenged by the idea of this book I sat and pondered my own idea of heaven. Why would the very descriptions of heaven from the Bible itself be discouraging for me? What was my view of heaven? I discovered that my view of heaven included being able to travel through all creation and ruling over parts as God's representative. The Bible, on the other hand, describe a new heaven and earth and we are normal, human citizens of a physical city. We are still human, still have hands and feet, still cannot fly... This just didn't fit my expectations. I then began to investigate the root of my expectations. Could the enemy have snuck into such a holy thing? I concluded that my thoughts of heaven may be tainted by ORIGINAL SIN! The sin of wanting to be like God.
I have such a desire to shed the limitations of my humanity to achieve something more. This may sound admirable but why should I want to achieve more than I was created to be? how much more would I want to achieve? If I understand my fallenness, then nothing will be enough and I would want to continue to achieve a higher plain until achieving some sort of deity. Now do you see the common roots to original sin? In my view of heaven!
God created me to be human and I should ascribe to be nothing more than he created me to be. Yes, I should long to shed my sinfulness but remember that sinfulness is not the original design of being human. I should long to achieve my created role as re-perfected human. Does that mean I can fly? or bend reality like the silver surfer? or have the powers of Superman? Humanity was never designed to do that. Humanity was designed to bring glory to God by ruling over the created earth. In heaven we will still be human.
Granted, things will be much different and better than in the beginning with Adam, but that does not include "superhuman powers" or deity qualities. Will I always be bound to walking a terrestrial globe and experience eternal life in a very similar way to how I sense this current life? Maybe, maybe not. The scriptures definately lean toward this end. The point is that my joy should be based in perfected relationship with my creator and serving his original created purpose for humanity and nothing more.
Eating everything I want gets me fat, eating right gets me healthy and feeling good. I don't even need to give an example story to understand getting everything you want opposed to having everything right. I am and will always be a limited being. Now, and always, I will have to trust the only unlimited being who loves me deeply to provide for me what is truly best and right. My joy in heaven will not come from having everything I want but from having "everything right!"
I have always held to the idea that heaven will be so wonderful and so wholy other that I cannot imagine what it will be like. Truthfully, this is not the attitude of scripture. One time, when I was a boy, I asked my mom if I could have a Ferrari in heaven. My mother, in her wisdom, told me, "If you still need a Ferrari to be happy in heaven, then you will have one."
After being challenged by the idea of this book I sat and pondered my own idea of heaven. Why would the very descriptions of heaven from the Bible itself be discouraging for me? What was my view of heaven? I discovered that my view of heaven included being able to travel through all creation and ruling over parts as God's representative. The Bible, on the other hand, describe a new heaven and earth and we are normal, human citizens of a physical city. We are still human, still have hands and feet, still cannot fly... This just didn't fit my expectations. I then began to investigate the root of my expectations. Could the enemy have snuck into such a holy thing? I concluded that my thoughts of heaven may be tainted by ORIGINAL SIN! The sin of wanting to be like God.
I have such a desire to shed the limitations of my humanity to achieve something more. This may sound admirable but why should I want to achieve more than I was created to be? how much more would I want to achieve? If I understand my fallenness, then nothing will be enough and I would want to continue to achieve a higher plain until achieving some sort of deity. Now do you see the common roots to original sin? In my view of heaven!
God created me to be human and I should ascribe to be nothing more than he created me to be. Yes, I should long to shed my sinfulness but remember that sinfulness is not the original design of being human. I should long to achieve my created role as re-perfected human. Does that mean I can fly? or bend reality like the silver surfer? or have the powers of Superman? Humanity was never designed to do that. Humanity was designed to bring glory to God by ruling over the created earth. In heaven we will still be human.
Granted, things will be much different and better than in the beginning with Adam, but that does not include "superhuman powers" or deity qualities. Will I always be bound to walking a terrestrial globe and experience eternal life in a very similar way to how I sense this current life? Maybe, maybe not. The scriptures definately lean toward this end. The point is that my joy should be based in perfected relationship with my creator and serving his original created purpose for humanity and nothing more.
Eating everything I want gets me fat, eating right gets me healthy and feeling good. I don't even need to give an example story to understand getting everything you want opposed to having everything right. I am and will always be a limited being. Now, and always, I will have to trust the only unlimited being who loves me deeply to provide for me what is truly best and right. My joy in heaven will not come from having everything I want but from having "everything right!"
Destination vs journey...
Most of the time our culture is focused more on the destination rather than on the journey, the numerical results rather than the process.
As I reflect on my time here in Guatemala I am constantly reminded of one of God's greatest lessons to me during the past several years even before Guatemala, one of leading. I have often questioned myself when I think God is pointing me in a certain direction and giving me a particular vision only to change it at the end. This comes up again as we change gears from Jordan. But I am comforted by these same lessons in the past like with Kids Alive. Had we not come to Guatemala with them I would have never gotten involved with eMi. I don't think I would have come to Guatemala to do engineering (I would have done a Jonah and run the other way). With each change in course I must trust God for his bigger vision. This does not necessarily mean a better destination either, getting back to my first point.
I have found that God is much more interested in who I am than what I do. This is fleshed out in: He is much more interested in WHO I am where I am and HOW I live there than He is interested in WHERE I am. He is much less interested in the destination than in developing my character along the way. He also uses a "leading" to one thing to get us going in a particular direction only because it is needed to get us going in a direction that can later be changed to a different place that we would have gone to in the first place. I hope that makes sense?!?
Bottom line is: I must follow God to the best of my ability and focus on that which God focuses, my character. It is my faith/character development that prepares me for the work God has for me to do in this life as well as in eternity. This is the only thing I can take with me. Whatever accomplishments, accolades, destinations I have achieved or reached are only by the grace of God anyway and really don't amount to much of anything. Although I always have to have a destination in mind, my focus must remain on the journey, not the destination.
As I reflect on my time here in Guatemala I am constantly reminded of one of God's greatest lessons to me during the past several years even before Guatemala, one of leading. I have often questioned myself when I think God is pointing me in a certain direction and giving me a particular vision only to change it at the end. This comes up again as we change gears from Jordan. But I am comforted by these same lessons in the past like with Kids Alive. Had we not come to Guatemala with them I would have never gotten involved with eMi. I don't think I would have come to Guatemala to do engineering (I would have done a Jonah and run the other way). With each change in course I must trust God for his bigger vision. This does not necessarily mean a better destination either, getting back to my first point.
I have found that God is much more interested in who I am than what I do. This is fleshed out in: He is much more interested in WHO I am where I am and HOW I live there than He is interested in WHERE I am. He is much less interested in the destination than in developing my character along the way. He also uses a "leading" to one thing to get us going in a particular direction only because it is needed to get us going in a direction that can later be changed to a different place that we would have gone to in the first place. I hope that makes sense?!?
Bottom line is: I must follow God to the best of my ability and focus on that which God focuses, my character. It is my faith/character development that prepares me for the work God has for me to do in this life as well as in eternity. This is the only thing I can take with me. Whatever accomplishments, accolades, destinations I have achieved or reached are only by the grace of God anyway and really don't amount to much of anything. Although I always have to have a destination in mind, my focus must remain on the journey, not the destination.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
The servant with 7 talents...
No one knows just how much of a goober I really am more than myself. I know my hidden fears and inadequacies. I know when I am just putting up smoke and mirrors to make myself look better than I am. At times I fear what God puts in my hand. It just seems like too much. I want to represent him well but I know my own faults and I don't want my faults to reflect on who God is.
In the parable of the talents Jesus mentions the servant who was given 10 talents, one who was given 5 and one who was given 1. Both of the first two servants doubled their money but the last servant hid the talent. He didn't gain but he didn't lose either. He just didn't risk anything. Jesus praised the servants of 10 and 5 and rebuked the last with 1. I wish Jesus had included in his parable the servant who was given 7 talents.
The servant who was given the 7 invested the money the best he could but the investment went bad and he returned with only 2 talents. This is the guy I am interested in. Would Jesus still praise him?
Don't misunderstand me here. We haven't made some colossal mistake or lost anything. My point is not about loss but about the nature of risk. As missionaries, ministers, Christians, we take risks based on faith. God also "risks" by entrusting things, tasks, people to us. This is my main fear. If I live in "faith" and take on God's tasks, if I receive the 7 talents and do my best with them, what happens if the floor drops out? I know how faulty I am.
I know the "sunday school" answer is that the work is solely God's and I cannot accomplish anything on my own. God is sovereign over it all and he can ensure whatever outcome he wishes. I know that it is the very fact that he uses fallen humans that shows the extent of his grace, redemption, love and glory to me, those around me, as well as all creation, which, knowledge of God is creations chief end.
I know this but still at times Jesus' "burden is easy" starts to feel a bit heavier. Trusting God to accomplish his work even through a goober like me is where I need to stay. With God in control, maybe the apparent loss of the 7 talents brought about an entirely different kind of profit, this to say, that investing in God never results in loss.
I have such a love for God and such a desire to see his purposes fulfilled that I want to see the best of the best working for him and I just wouldn't place myself in that category.
I just know that I don't want to be the servant with one talent that didn't risk anything but I wonder what Jesus would have said about the servant with the 7 talents who, by his own idiocy, lost it all...
In the parable of the talents Jesus mentions the servant who was given 10 talents, one who was given 5 and one who was given 1. Both of the first two servants doubled their money but the last servant hid the talent. He didn't gain but he didn't lose either. He just didn't risk anything. Jesus praised the servants of 10 and 5 and rebuked the last with 1. I wish Jesus had included in his parable the servant who was given 7 talents.
The servant who was given the 7 invested the money the best he could but the investment went bad and he returned with only 2 talents. This is the guy I am interested in. Would Jesus still praise him?
Don't misunderstand me here. We haven't made some colossal mistake or lost anything. My point is not about loss but about the nature of risk. As missionaries, ministers, Christians, we take risks based on faith. God also "risks" by entrusting things, tasks, people to us. This is my main fear. If I live in "faith" and take on God's tasks, if I receive the 7 talents and do my best with them, what happens if the floor drops out? I know how faulty I am.
I know the "sunday school" answer is that the work is solely God's and I cannot accomplish anything on my own. God is sovereign over it all and he can ensure whatever outcome he wishes. I know that it is the very fact that he uses fallen humans that shows the extent of his grace, redemption, love and glory to me, those around me, as well as all creation, which, knowledge of God is creations chief end.
I know this but still at times Jesus' "burden is easy" starts to feel a bit heavier. Trusting God to accomplish his work even through a goober like me is where I need to stay. With God in control, maybe the apparent loss of the 7 talents brought about an entirely different kind of profit, this to say, that investing in God never results in loss.
I have such a love for God and such a desire to see his purposes fulfilled that I want to see the best of the best working for him and I just wouldn't place myself in that category.
I just know that I don't want to be the servant with one talent that didn't risk anything but I wonder what Jesus would have said about the servant with the 7 talents who, by his own idiocy, lost it all...
Saturday, July 21, 2007
I’m nothing special...
I was talking with the kiddos the other day and was reminded again today in church about the story of the burning bush. What made the bush special was not the bush itself but rather that God was “within the bush” Ex.3:4. What made Moses special was not Moses himself but rather that God said, “I will be with you” Ex.3:12. As believers we are nothing special but “I can do all things through him who gives me strength” Phil 4:13. The Strength is not my own it is Christ’s. Christ gave us the mandate to “GO” but didn’t send us out in our own strength. We can accomplish this only because of the closing sentence in Matthew, “I am with you always even to the end of the age.” Matt 28:20
Porque Si...
One of the most annoying responses to a question that exists is manifest perfectly in the Guatemalan phrase “porque si” which literally means “because yes”. This is used primarily by children when they don’t have a good reason for what they are doing or also by parents that can’t give a good explanation to their children – “Because I said so”.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Broken plans=God's provision...(cont'd)
The life of George Mueller has always fascinated me. At times I think of it as a fantasy story because he has those unexplainable stories of God's provision. I think of when he had no food but sat at the table and prayed for the food nonetheless. After prayer there was a knock at the door and a bread truck had broken down in front of his house and he could have all the food. So amazing are these stories of God's provision in the small things that, though in my heart I believe them, in my mind I tend to brush them off as legend.
I traveled to Jackson Hole WY this past week for the world conference and 25th anniversary of Engineering Ministries International. We were to start the week camping and getting to know the other world staff. I arrived at 10pm but, due to logistical confusion, the people scheduled to pick me up from the airport didn't come.
At 11:30, as the last taxi was getting ready to leave for home, I made the choice to get transportation before I was stranded at the airport until morning. I didn't know the name of the campground nor any phone number (bad planning on my part). I had $34 in my pocket and the taxi cost $30 to get to town. John, the taxi driver, was a friendly fellow and we checked in the most likely camping area on the way to Jackson to see if EMI was there. They were not so we continued to Jackson in search of a place to sleep.
In the car I was able to share with him about Christ and the work we are doing in Guatemala. He was very interested and shared ideas he had about water purification. Once we arrived in Jackson we found the hotels full. He had a friend at one more hotel and if she couldn't help he would lend me his car to sleep in for the night.
He introduced me to Eileen who had no rooms available but called her friend Carlos at another hotel to see what he had available. She pleaded my case as a missionary which must have peaked Carlos' interest and he wanted to talk to me. In Spanish he explained how he was a Mormon missionary from Brazil and he offered me the room for the employee rate of $45 and asked if that was too expensive for me. I explained that I wasn't anticipating paying anything for this evening so anything would seem expensive but I thanked him for his gracious offer and said I would take him up on it. He then changed and said, "just come over and stay for free". John the taxi driver hated to charge me the $30 but had to because the airport logs the pickups but he said he could come in the morning to take me wherever I needed to go for free. Not only did I get a great room, I was able to access my email to get the name of the campground and phone number of Danna who was coordinating the whole trip.
In the morning I noticed on the map that our campground was a good 45min away so I called John and left a message thanking him for the offer but I couldn't ask him to take me so far. So I decided to walk to the edge of town and hitchhike to the campground. Shirley, who owns a cleaning company gave me a ride about 10 mi in where she needed to turn off to clean a house. While walking with my thumb up high, the next person to stop was officer Kate Wilkens who let me know that it is ILLEGAL to hitchhike in a national park! I was kinda stuck seeing as how I would have to hitchhike to even get out of the park. She offered me her cell phone and asked if I had anyone to call even if it was long distance. I had only one number and I called Danna.
Danna had been getting spotty service way out there but I was able to catch her in one of the spots with service. She was already on the road to Jackson to buy supplies for the eMi BBQ. Kate spoke with her and found out that she would be passing my location within 7min. Danna arrived and off we went.
The most amazing part of this journey is the implications. Had someone picked me up at the airport, I would have had to set up my tent in the dark and sleep another day on the ground without a shower, but, instead look at the following events:
I brought $40 for food while camping, In LA I bought luch at McDonalds leaving me only $34. If I didn't have the $30 I couldn't have gotten the taxi. If no taxi then I wouldn't have been introduced to Eileen. If no Eileen then I wouldn't have spoken to Carlos from Brazil. If no Carlos then I wouldn't have gotten a free room, hot shower or internet access. If no internet then I wouldn't have had the phone number or name of the campsite. If no name or number then I would have driven around with John and not hitchhiked. If no hitchhiking I wouldn't have been left on the highway in the middle of the park. If not left then Officer Date would not have stopped with a cell phone. And if she didn't give me that cell phone at just the right time then I would not have reached Danna let alone at exactly the right time for her to pick me up without missing a beat! I helped with the groceries and was able to set up my tent in the daylight, fresh and clean from my shower and comfortable sleep the night before.
Granted this story is much less impressive than the Mueller story, probably because my faith is so much smaller, but the implication is the same. God cares for us and many times he has our plans go wrong so he can remind us of his sovereignty. The most important thing is not that God's plan was actually better but rather that had I been picked up at the airport I would have missed this great reminder. I have found that it is particularly when our plans fail that we can truly see God's provision.
I traveled to Jackson Hole WY this past week for the world conference and 25th anniversary of Engineering Ministries International. We were to start the week camping and getting to know the other world staff. I arrived at 10pm but, due to logistical confusion, the people scheduled to pick me up from the airport didn't come.
At 11:30, as the last taxi was getting ready to leave for home, I made the choice to get transportation before I was stranded at the airport until morning. I didn't know the name of the campground nor any phone number (bad planning on my part). I had $34 in my pocket and the taxi cost $30 to get to town. John, the taxi driver, was a friendly fellow and we checked in the most likely camping area on the way to Jackson to see if EMI was there. They were not so we continued to Jackson in search of a place to sleep.
In the car I was able to share with him about Christ and the work we are doing in Guatemala. He was very interested and shared ideas he had about water purification. Once we arrived in Jackson we found the hotels full. He had a friend at one more hotel and if she couldn't help he would lend me his car to sleep in for the night.
He introduced me to Eileen who had no rooms available but called her friend Carlos at another hotel to see what he had available. She pleaded my case as a missionary which must have peaked Carlos' interest and he wanted to talk to me. In Spanish he explained how he was a Mormon missionary from Brazil and he offered me the room for the employee rate of $45 and asked if that was too expensive for me. I explained that I wasn't anticipating paying anything for this evening so anything would seem expensive but I thanked him for his gracious offer and said I would take him up on it. He then changed and said, "just come over and stay for free". John the taxi driver hated to charge me the $30 but had to because the airport logs the pickups but he said he could come in the morning to take me wherever I needed to go for free. Not only did I get a great room, I was able to access my email to get the name of the campground and phone number of Danna who was coordinating the whole trip.
In the morning I noticed on the map that our campground was a good 45min away so I called John and left a message thanking him for the offer but I couldn't ask him to take me so far. So I decided to walk to the edge of town and hitchhike to the campground. Shirley, who owns a cleaning company gave me a ride about 10 mi in where she needed to turn off to clean a house. While walking with my thumb up high, the next person to stop was officer Kate Wilkens who let me know that it is ILLEGAL to hitchhike in a national park! I was kinda stuck seeing as how I would have to hitchhike to even get out of the park. She offered me her cell phone and asked if I had anyone to call even if it was long distance. I had only one number and I called Danna.
Danna had been getting spotty service way out there but I was able to catch her in one of the spots with service. She was already on the road to Jackson to buy supplies for the eMi BBQ. Kate spoke with her and found out that she would be passing my location within 7min. Danna arrived and off we went.
The most amazing part of this journey is the implications. Had someone picked me up at the airport, I would have had to set up my tent in the dark and sleep another day on the ground without a shower, but, instead look at the following events:
I brought $40 for food while camping, In LA I bought luch at McDonalds leaving me only $34. If I didn't have the $30 I couldn't have gotten the taxi. If no taxi then I wouldn't have been introduced to Eileen. If no Eileen then I wouldn't have spoken to Carlos from Brazil. If no Carlos then I wouldn't have gotten a free room, hot shower or internet access. If no internet then I wouldn't have had the phone number or name of the campsite. If no name or number then I would have driven around with John and not hitchhiked. If no hitchhiking I wouldn't have been left on the highway in the middle of the park. If not left then Officer Date would not have stopped with a cell phone. And if she didn't give me that cell phone at just the right time then I would not have reached Danna let alone at exactly the right time for her to pick me up without missing a beat! I helped with the groceries and was able to set up my tent in the daylight, fresh and clean from my shower and comfortable sleep the night before.
Granted this story is much less impressive than the Mueller story, probably because my faith is so much smaller, but the implication is the same. God cares for us and many times he has our plans go wrong so he can remind us of his sovereignty. The most important thing is not that God's plan was actually better but rather that had I been picked up at the airport I would have missed this great reminder. I have found that it is particularly when our plans fail that we can truly see God's provision.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Broken plans = God's provision...
I am writing this post rom my hotel room in LA. My flight was delayed and I missed my connection to Guatemala. Heather is sick at home and I desperately want to be with her, yet I am calm, trusting the hand of God. This is because I just learned from my traveling TO this conference in Jackson Hole WY that I am never out of God's hands. It is only when my plans go wrong that I can really see God's provision.
This webTV application has erased my post 3 times so I will continue this story later. ...more to come...
This webTV application has erased my post 3 times so I will continue this story later. ...more to come...
Thursday, June 21, 2007
The balance?...Cultural sensitivity with boldness of Acts
Guatemala, like much of latin america, is well aquainted with the message of Christ and the culture embraces it with both arms. There is no violation of culture to speak openly about the gospel. This is similarly true in the States. There has never been a question for me whether or not to live the gospel openly.
With our thoughts moving toward living in Jordan this conflict of heart becomes more clear. It is perfectly legal to live in Jordan as a Christian as long as you don't proclaim the gospel or try to convert muslims. This is where the legal line is crossed. I have been hearing from a couple Christians in Jordan to live a quiet and honorable life there and as people ask about why you are there and about your life you can explain the Gospel to them. I see a Biblical example of this in Daniel. I understand the need for this sort of Cultural sensitivity in order to show respect and gain the favor of the people and rectifying stereotypes of American Christians.
My struggle is that I also read the book of Acts. There, whenever the Spirit came on them, they spoke "with boldness". I find that the situation in Acts is most applicable to the Middle East because the culture of the people is still similar and the policital climate against Christianity is similar. It was illegal for them to "preach" yet they still were "compelled" to do it and they DID spend time in jail and many died.
"My case is different though" I tell myself, I have a wife and four small children to consider and the scripture says that being married, my "interests are divided" and for good reason. My family is my primary ministry. On the other hand, Jesus himself says, "whoever doesn't hate...his family yes even his own life, cannot be my disciple". Which is more important, Jesus or my children? It is easy to answer this simplified question until the choice really starts coming into view.
What exactly is the cost of following Christ? Everything. Well what does that really mean and what does that look like, simply, without rationalizing and applying logic to everything? I am not sure. I don't know if I will ever be sure but one thing I do know is that my thoughts and possibly my experience living in the Middle East will bring me closer to an understanding of the implications of that very question.
Like the words of Jesus to his disciples, "ye of little faith", this is yet another reminder (read post Raising the dead?!?) where God tells me, "you think you have faith? it is just peanuts buddy. You are still in the minors son, but be encouraged because to see me do great things only requires faith the size of a mustard seed"
Do I really live for the Gospel? I have found that the most difficult part of the Christian life is not being willing to obey but rather knowing th appropriate way to do it. God give me both zeal and wisdom.
With our thoughts moving toward living in Jordan this conflict of heart becomes more clear. It is perfectly legal to live in Jordan as a Christian as long as you don't proclaim the gospel or try to convert muslims. This is where the legal line is crossed. I have been hearing from a couple Christians in Jordan to live a quiet and honorable life there and as people ask about why you are there and about your life you can explain the Gospel to them. I see a Biblical example of this in Daniel. I understand the need for this sort of Cultural sensitivity in order to show respect and gain the favor of the people and rectifying stereotypes of American Christians.
My struggle is that I also read the book of Acts. There, whenever the Spirit came on them, they spoke "with boldness". I find that the situation in Acts is most applicable to the Middle East because the culture of the people is still similar and the policital climate against Christianity is similar. It was illegal for them to "preach" yet they still were "compelled" to do it and they DID spend time in jail and many died.
"My case is different though" I tell myself, I have a wife and four small children to consider and the scripture says that being married, my "interests are divided" and for good reason. My family is my primary ministry. On the other hand, Jesus himself says, "whoever doesn't hate...his family yes even his own life, cannot be my disciple". Which is more important, Jesus or my children? It is easy to answer this simplified question until the choice really starts coming into view.
What exactly is the cost of following Christ? Everything. Well what does that really mean and what does that look like, simply, without rationalizing and applying logic to everything? I am not sure. I don't know if I will ever be sure but one thing I do know is that my thoughts and possibly my experience living in the Middle East will bring me closer to an understanding of the implications of that very question.
Like the words of Jesus to his disciples, "ye of little faith", this is yet another reminder (read post Raising the dead?!?) where God tells me, "you think you have faith? it is just peanuts buddy. You are still in the minors son, but be encouraged because to see me do great things only requires faith the size of a mustard seed"
Do I really live for the Gospel? I have found that the most difficult part of the Christian life is not being willing to obey but rather knowing th appropriate way to do it. God give me both zeal and wisdom.
Raising the dead?!?...
I thought I had written of this before but I guess I hadn't, maybe out of fear of being labeled a "wacko".
Most of you who know me also know that I have a conservative theology. I have rarely seen anything in the physical realm that I would quanitify as a "miracle". I usually reserve this word for the spectacular acts of grace that God does within the hearts of men, which I still feel is the most important. This disclaimer aside, I wanted to share a challenge with you that was FAR outside my theological box.
Several months ago I travelled to Tabacal to minister to minister to a family that had lost a daughter and to intoduce Carlos (the Guatemalan that is continuing the work in Tabacal with our local church). We entered the house and saw the young lady's body on the bench prepared in the traditional Mayan way, covered with a white cloth with flowers and some money. I sat right next to the body and as "holy men" we were asked to pray for the family.
As Carlos was praying I felt an odd urge as I have many other times before when God had asked me to do something scary or brave or stand up for the gospel against reason. This time the prompting was with thoughts of Elijah. It was like God was saying, "lay on this young lady's body, feet to feet, hands to hands, nose to nose, and I will bring her back to life. This will serve as a living testimony of the Gospel for these people".
WHAT!! My logic and reason fought back saying, "If I do this and nothing happens, then I have just violated the dead body of this families daughter and we may never be able to work in Tabacal again." The best I can describe the feeling was like the time I went cliff diving and while standing on the top of the cliff I often started to jump but then stopped myself. The difference with the cliff jumping is that eventually I actually did jump. In that room that day I started to get off my seat probably 7 times but at the end of the day I did nothing.
To this day I still have no idea what would have happened if I had actually laid on that woman but really I don't think that was the point. I don't think it was God's intention to bring that girl to life or not to. I think his primary purpose was to teach me something about myself. I could almost hear him saying, "Don't get so proud about your life of faith. Your faith is peanuts, you are still in the minors son."
God grant me more than just the faith to move mountains, with it grant the wisdom to know your calling and act in accordance with your kingdom.
(also see "The Balance..."post)
Most of you who know me also know that I have a conservative theology. I have rarely seen anything in the physical realm that I would quanitify as a "miracle". I usually reserve this word for the spectacular acts of grace that God does within the hearts of men, which I still feel is the most important. This disclaimer aside, I wanted to share a challenge with you that was FAR outside my theological box.
Several months ago I travelled to Tabacal to minister to minister to a family that had lost a daughter and to intoduce Carlos (the Guatemalan that is continuing the work in Tabacal with our local church). We entered the house and saw the young lady's body on the bench prepared in the traditional Mayan way, covered with a white cloth with flowers and some money. I sat right next to the body and as "holy men" we were asked to pray for the family.
As Carlos was praying I felt an odd urge as I have many other times before when God had asked me to do something scary or brave or stand up for the gospel against reason. This time the prompting was with thoughts of Elijah. It was like God was saying, "lay on this young lady's body, feet to feet, hands to hands, nose to nose, and I will bring her back to life. This will serve as a living testimony of the Gospel for these people".
WHAT!! My logic and reason fought back saying, "If I do this and nothing happens, then I have just violated the dead body of this families daughter and we may never be able to work in Tabacal again." The best I can describe the feeling was like the time I went cliff diving and while standing on the top of the cliff I often started to jump but then stopped myself. The difference with the cliff jumping is that eventually I actually did jump. In that room that day I started to get off my seat probably 7 times but at the end of the day I did nothing.
To this day I still have no idea what would have happened if I had actually laid on that woman but really I don't think that was the point. I don't think it was God's intention to bring that girl to life or not to. I think his primary purpose was to teach me something about myself. I could almost hear him saying, "Don't get so proud about your life of faith. Your faith is peanuts, you are still in the minors son."
God grant me more than just the faith to move mountains, with it grant the wisdom to know your calling and act in accordance with your kingdom.
(also see "The Balance..."post)
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Prayer - just thoughts...
A friend asked that I write this though I don't know exactly how to put it in words which is the point exactly. Huh...
Sometimes I have a difficult time praying out loud, not out of embarrasment but out of lack of practice, not lack of practice in praying but rather in putting my prayers in words.
When I want to communicate with another person, fist I have to encode my thoughts into words and then the other person has to receive and decode them for their original meaning. I think many times people forget that God does not require this encoding and decoding. When I pray, I feel the Lords leading to pray for my wife in a certain area, in my mind I "visuallize" it and simply say yes Lord. Again I don't know how to put this practice into words but it is a way that I can understand prayer as a two way communication with God rather than giving God my Christmas list. I am open to the thoughts that he brings my way and I am open to agree with him. Or I am open to express the internal feelings without having to process them into words and present them before God in trust.
Being that it is just thoughts, I can cover a lot of prayer ground very fast, not to say that I free up more time but rather that I can pray about more things. After being practiced I understand what the scriptures mean when they say "pray at all times" because my prayers are more of a consciousness of God near me and a real-time processing of my circumstances in his presence, I can be in a constant mode of prayer, constantly in communication with God. This takes many forms many of which are too hard to explain but I thought I would give an attempt to explain something so central to who I am and how I live that does not exist in words.
Talk to God without using words and open yourself up to what he has to say as well as communicate the deep things inside you that you don'tknow how to communicate and process them together with God and the reading of scripture. I would encourage you give it a try... that is if you can make any sence of the ramble that I just typed.
Sometimes I have a difficult time praying out loud, not out of embarrasment but out of lack of practice, not lack of practice in praying but rather in putting my prayers in words.
When I want to communicate with another person, fist I have to encode my thoughts into words and then the other person has to receive and decode them for their original meaning. I think many times people forget that God does not require this encoding and decoding. When I pray, I feel the Lords leading to pray for my wife in a certain area, in my mind I "visuallize" it and simply say yes Lord. Again I don't know how to put this practice into words but it is a way that I can understand prayer as a two way communication with God rather than giving God my Christmas list. I am open to the thoughts that he brings my way and I am open to agree with him. Or I am open to express the internal feelings without having to process them into words and present them before God in trust.
Being that it is just thoughts, I can cover a lot of prayer ground very fast, not to say that I free up more time but rather that I can pray about more things. After being practiced I understand what the scriptures mean when they say "pray at all times" because my prayers are more of a consciousness of God near me and a real-time processing of my circumstances in his presence, I can be in a constant mode of prayer, constantly in communication with God. This takes many forms many of which are too hard to explain but I thought I would give an attempt to explain something so central to who I am and how I live that does not exist in words.
Talk to God without using words and open yourself up to what he has to say as well as communicate the deep things inside you that you don'tknow how to communicate and process them together with God and the reading of scripture. I would encourage you give it a try... that is if you can make any sence of the ramble that I just typed.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Last minute convergence, like the Red Sea...
On April 3rd we found some airline tickets to the states for really cheap and bought them in faith thinking that Anzo's adoption would be done in time for us all to visit the states together. Complications arose in the process and we were coming to the deadline. It looked as though we would not get the visa in time. To make the story short, we had our embassy interview at the end of Wed, received our visa end of day Thurs, they were closed Fri, Sat, and we flew out of Sun. It was at the VERY LAST MOMENT that we received Anzo's visa.
Prior to all this I sat and pondered such a stressful situation and wondered why God had things unfold in this manner. I knew that our interview was just a couple days prior to the flight and that things would have to work out perfectly for us to travel and things rarely go well at the embassy. I wondered why didn't God let Anzo receive his visa a month ago to relieve all the stess. I realized that it was to show his presense more definitively.
Had Anzo received his visa the month prior, I would have given little thought to God's involvement in this process. Getting cheap tickets to fly home was amazing and getting Anzo's visa was also amazing but the fact that both realities converged at the exact moment they did was nothing short of divine.
I look at the Israelites as they came to the Red Sea. I believe that the Red Sea did not just spontaneously part at that particular moment, rather that it was planned long before. Take this hypothetical situation, I believe that several weeks before the Israelites ever left Egypt there was a storm developing in the Atlantic off the coast of England. It blew across Spain and the mediterranian until it came to the Red Sea where it "blew all night long" and seperated the waters.
I believe that wind would have come one way or another. The parting of the Red Sea is amazing, but what makes it divine was the convergence of this amazing event at the exact moment that the Israelites arrived there and cried out in need. God didn't provide only after the cry. He knew and planned it beforehand. He sent that wind on its path long before they arrived and needed it.
Many times I cry out to the Lord to provide "at the last minute" in my time of need only to find out that for God, "at the last minute" had been planned for long ago. This is more comforting to me than a fleece blanket and cup of coco on a snowy evening. God can be trusted because he cannot be suprised.
Prior to all this I sat and pondered such a stressful situation and wondered why God had things unfold in this manner. I knew that our interview was just a couple days prior to the flight and that things would have to work out perfectly for us to travel and things rarely go well at the embassy. I wondered why didn't God let Anzo receive his visa a month ago to relieve all the stess. I realized that it was to show his presense more definitively.
Had Anzo received his visa the month prior, I would have given little thought to God's involvement in this process. Getting cheap tickets to fly home was amazing and getting Anzo's visa was also amazing but the fact that both realities converged at the exact moment they did was nothing short of divine.
I look at the Israelites as they came to the Red Sea. I believe that the Red Sea did not just spontaneously part at that particular moment, rather that it was planned long before. Take this hypothetical situation, I believe that several weeks before the Israelites ever left Egypt there was a storm developing in the Atlantic off the coast of England. It blew across Spain and the mediterranian until it came to the Red Sea where it "blew all night long" and seperated the waters.
I believe that wind would have come one way or another. The parting of the Red Sea is amazing, but what makes it divine was the convergence of this amazing event at the exact moment that the Israelites arrived there and cried out in need. God didn't provide only after the cry. He knew and planned it beforehand. He sent that wind on its path long before they arrived and needed it.
Many times I cry out to the Lord to provide "at the last minute" in my time of need only to find out that for God, "at the last minute" had been planned for long ago. This is more comforting to me than a fleece blanket and cup of coco on a snowy evening. God can be trusted because he cannot be suprised.
Undo...
I have been wanting to write about this for a while.
As a civil engineer I use the program AutoCAD almost every day. One of the most crutial commands that exists is the "Undo" command. You can try out a certain way of design or presentation and if it doesn't seem to work out you can just undo 5,6,...1000 times to get right back to where you were. This inspires some risktaking in design and drafting. I have also found that this manner of thinking expands beyond my drafting and into my daily living. Sometimes I step out to try new things or change things and then, quite naively am shocked that there is no undo command to return things to normal. The most important thing I have found about this mentality is that I rarely regret it. Life is to be lived and to tak e chances even if I take them naively.
Many people consider me to be a "fix-everything" handy man and wonder how I do it. I have found that 90% of fixing something is having the courage to open it up and have a look. I believe that life is similar. To see the greatest things in life I must have the courage to step out and have a look and I have realized that things are not nearly as scary as they seem to be.
If anything I am glad that I have this inate sense of abandon. It keeps me in a "childlike" faith that is willing to follow God in the sketchiest of situations.
As a civil engineer I use the program AutoCAD almost every day. One of the most crutial commands that exists is the "Undo" command. You can try out a certain way of design or presentation and if it doesn't seem to work out you can just undo 5,6,...1000 times to get right back to where you were. This inspires some risktaking in design and drafting. I have also found that this manner of thinking expands beyond my drafting and into my daily living. Sometimes I step out to try new things or change things and then, quite naively am shocked that there is no undo command to return things to normal. The most important thing I have found about this mentality is that I rarely regret it. Life is to be lived and to tak e chances even if I take them naively.
Many people consider me to be a "fix-everything" handy man and wonder how I do it. I have found that 90% of fixing something is having the courage to open it up and have a look. I believe that life is similar. To see the greatest things in life I must have the courage to step out and have a look and I have realized that things are not nearly as scary as they seem to be.
If anything I am glad that I have this inate sense of abandon. It keeps me in a "childlike" faith that is willing to follow God in the sketchiest of situations.
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